We were westbound in a big red truck.
Followed the lights into the dark night,
Never knew it could feel so right.
Stopped now and then,
some places so nice,
others never cleaned since I don't know when.
Rode through the sun and the rain,
no matter how long, my ass in pain.
A quick wink of a nap,
woke up feeling like we were more wrinkled than the map.
Finally made it to the east coast,
A land full of trees and humid the most.
A head full of curls,
it would make your eyes spin in swirls.
A day in the pouring rain,
My man fell in love with me again.
A two pound lobster so fine,
couldn't afford no cheap wine.
Stuck in traffic one day,
Made up new words to say.
A tropsnart* put me to tears,
Like a girl in my younger years.
Loaded up the fish on Friday,
We were gonna ride another day.
We were westbound in a big red truck.
Heading home to the ones we love,
Underneath the starts above.
Singing songs of old,
Laughing as stores were told.
Falling more in love with each mile,
This man sure does make me smile.
City lights come and go,
the truck bounces this way and that....whoa....
We can't wait to get home and sleep in our own bed,
But with that being said...
I will never forget
How this guy is the best man I ever met.
*Tropsnart is the word Transport backwards.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
He went to Jareds!
My sweetheart got down on his knee and asked for me to be his wife.
I said "YES"
It will be an honor to be Mrs. Ken Lindeen.
I never thought I would find a love like this, nor did I ever think I'd actually want to get married again.
But I did.
And I thank God every day for this happiness.
Every day that the sun rises, every night that the sun sets, I will thank God for helping me find my strength to stay this strong. I will thank Him for keeping His faith in me, even when I had lost mine in Him.
♥
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Simple things
Sometimes life gets so hectic, you forget to stop and appreciate the simple things.
- A beautiful sunrise with your lover by your side.
- Your child's imagination while he plays quietly with his toys.
- The pelicans swimming in the lake.
- The touch of the wind on your face.
- The warmth of the car on a cold day.
- Fresh clean sheets on the bed.
- Being the first to open the tub of butter.
- Hearing your sweetie's voice first thing in the morning instead of the lousy alarm clock.
- A good hair day.
- Your grandma's homemade cookies.
- A cloud that forms the shape of a heart.
- Seeing the Energizer bunny in the moon, instead of a man's face.
- A perfect grade on a test.
- Going to bed knowing you accomplished something that day.
- Freshly vacumed carpets.
- The smell of your lover's cologne on his pillow.
- A hello from a friend you haven't heard from in a while.
- The sound of the windchimes on a breezy day.
- The smell of lilacs.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Kharma; the good, the bad, and the ugly
Months have passed since I changed my life. Things are good. Really good. In fact, they're wonderful. And I'm not just talking about Kenny.
I'm talking about me.
And I'm actually sitting here laughing. One thing that was said to me during a break up was, "Kharma is a bitch." You know - it's funny, Kharma really does have a way of coming around. I've found that good kharma has come my way. While I was in that relationship, things were bad. Terrible. I felt that at that time, I was living in bad kharma. Everything was a mess, one bad thing after another kept happening. My self-esteem was shot, my individuality was gone, and my pride was dead. When I opened my eyes and saw what was happening, I took action immediately. I also realized that it wasn't just the relationship that I was in, it was how I was deciding to live my life with bad choices. In no way was I going to allow myself to become a woman trapped in misery, and no way was I going to allow my sons to see their mom be that way. And in no way, was I going to trap them into the same misery.
And now, there is no misery. Good things are happening. My car is great, and paid off. My bills are slowly getting caught up. My boys are happy - truly and blissfully happy. I am madly in love with a man who loves me greater than any man ever loved me. I am about to move into a beautiful place. I'm going to live a better life than I've had in a very long time. Life has a whole new meaning. I will never allow a relationship determine who I am anymore. Nobody makes decisions for me, except myself. It's up to me, and I will be stubborn.
I've been through a lot over the years. Some would say I have an old soul. I've seen it all, I've lived it all. And you know what? I wouldn't change any of it. My history has shaped who I am today. I am blessed to have had the wonderful things that happened, and blessed for having recovered from the bad things. It's all behind me, and all I have now is my future.
I am at peace now. I know where I am at in my life. And I have never been more sure about anything before.
I'm talking about me.
And I'm actually sitting here laughing. One thing that was said to me during a break up was, "Kharma is a bitch." You know - it's funny, Kharma really does have a way of coming around. I've found that good kharma has come my way. While I was in that relationship, things were bad. Terrible. I felt that at that time, I was living in bad kharma. Everything was a mess, one bad thing after another kept happening. My self-esteem was shot, my individuality was gone, and my pride was dead. When I opened my eyes and saw what was happening, I took action immediately. I also realized that it wasn't just the relationship that I was in, it was how I was deciding to live my life with bad choices. In no way was I going to allow myself to become a woman trapped in misery, and no way was I going to allow my sons to see their mom be that way. And in no way, was I going to trap them into the same misery.
And now, there is no misery. Good things are happening. My car is great, and paid off. My bills are slowly getting caught up. My boys are happy - truly and blissfully happy. I am madly in love with a man who loves me greater than any man ever loved me. I am about to move into a beautiful place. I'm going to live a better life than I've had in a very long time. Life has a whole new meaning. I will never allow a relationship determine who I am anymore. Nobody makes decisions for me, except myself. It's up to me, and I will be stubborn.
I've been through a lot over the years. Some would say I have an old soul. I've seen it all, I've lived it all. And you know what? I wouldn't change any of it. My history has shaped who I am today. I am blessed to have had the wonderful things that happened, and blessed for having recovered from the bad things. It's all behind me, and all I have now is my future.
I am at peace now. I know where I am at in my life. And I have never been more sure about anything before.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thoughts of the day
You are miles away from me, yet so close to my heart. I see footprints of our steps we walked. I see the ghost of you lying by my side. I can still feel your breath on my neck. I can feel your kiss on my lips. My heart aches to feel yours beating against me. I sit here, alone. My life has paused since you left. I know you are coming home, yet I fear you will not return. My chores await my attention. Every minute passes as if it were standing still. My tears threaten to stain my cheeks, no matter how I try to fight them away. Sadness has taken over my smile. All I can do is sit here as if I am waiting. I am waiting. I’m waiting for you to come home. And when you do, the minutes will pass too fast.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Waiting...Impatiently
In exactly one week from today, I will be on the back of Kenny's motorcycle, riding westbound to California. I try not to sit here and pout about time taking too long to pass by.
He's up in Iowa right now, visiting his family. We both wish badly that I could be with him, meeting his family for the first time. I have gotten to know one of his Korean sisters very well, and I wish so badly I could meet her and her family. I wish I could sit in the same room with the Lindeen family and learn more about Ken and where he comes from. I can't wait for the day to come that I get to meet them.
Things are work are...well....intense. Everyone is anxiously waiting to see if the bad egg will finally leave, whether it is at his own dispense or our bosses. Things have not been very pretty in the office.
Fourth of July is right around the corner!!! Kenny and I are taking the boys to Bandimere Speedway to watch the jet car finals, followed by the fireworks. I'm so very excited!!! I just need to remember to pick up some ear plugs for Dylan, or his fingers are going to be permanently implanted in his ears.
So far, this has been the start of the best summer of my life. But man! It's getting tiring just waiting for all the wonderful things to happen!!!! I just hope it's not a 30 second ride that finishes too quickly!
He's up in Iowa right now, visiting his family. We both wish badly that I could be with him, meeting his family for the first time. I have gotten to know one of his Korean sisters very well, and I wish so badly I could meet her and her family. I wish I could sit in the same room with the Lindeen family and learn more about Ken and where he comes from. I can't wait for the day to come that I get to meet them.
Things are work are...well....intense. Everyone is anxiously waiting to see if the bad egg will finally leave, whether it is at his own dispense or our bosses. Things have not been very pretty in the office.
Fourth of July is right around the corner!!! Kenny and I are taking the boys to Bandimere Speedway to watch the jet car finals, followed by the fireworks. I'm so very excited!!! I just need to remember to pick up some ear plugs for Dylan, or his fingers are going to be permanently implanted in his ears.
So far, this has been the start of the best summer of my life. But man! It's getting tiring just waiting for all the wonderful things to happen!!!! I just hope it's not a 30 second ride that finishes too quickly!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Watching a memory
We are all the audience of life. We sit and watch our life perform on the greatest stage. Your mind captures each memory as you watch them. I sit here in the living room of Grandma's house, I am watching a memory. I captured this memory with my camera. I will always hang dear to this memory. She is telling stories to Dylan of her life in Minnosta as a little girl. Dylan is actually entertained, he's asking questions, and laughing at the silly grandma as she tells her stories.
I tear rolled down my cheek. My grandma has been my best friend my whole life. She has been my anchor. I dread the day that will come when she joins Grandpa in the afterlife. But I am living every day I can with her for as long as God choses to keep her here.
I am watching a memory that is passing me by.
I tear rolled down my cheek. My grandma has been my best friend my whole life. She has been my anchor. I dread the day that will come when she joins Grandpa in the afterlife. But I am living every day I can with her for as long as God choses to keep her here.
I am watching a memory that is passing me by.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Passions
What are your passions? Have you ever stopped just to think about them? What makes you feel connected to your inner self? Is it when you bit into that fresh cold strawberry? Or when you hear an old favorite song on the radio? How about when you hear a child's good hearted giggle? Do you like to pick up a pencil and draw a picture? Or would you rather snap a photo with your trusty camera?
Have you ever stopped for one minute to think about what makes your heart sing? What have you done lately that puts a smile on your face? What do you do to relax? Where does your mind go when you think of your happy place?
Your passion can be anything you desire.
I love to open up my laptop and just let my fingers dance across the keys. I have always wanted to write on a professional level. I could easily see myself being a journalist, or a novelist, or even get paid to blog. Even my English professor is fond of my skills.
That could be a passion, but it's not quite so.
Now, before you go and guess that I am passionate about Kenny - and you're not far from the truth - I must stop you before you go there. But I will tell you that you're close.
I love being a mom. Even on days like today when each one of my boys were testing my patience. They are my babies, no matter how old they get. I am proud of them, and will always be proud of them.
But that's not my passion. However, yet again, you're close.
I am most passionate about my life. I love living. I love feeling alive. The love that surrounds me keeps me going strong. I am forever thankful for my family and friends. I will forever be grateful for my boys, and for Ken. I am eternally endowed to our God for giving me the chance to live this great life.
So...what are you passionate about? What makes you feel alive?
Have you ever stopped for one minute to think about what makes your heart sing? What have you done lately that puts a smile on your face? What do you do to relax? Where does your mind go when you think of your happy place?
Your passion can be anything you desire.
I love to open up my laptop and just let my fingers dance across the keys. I have always wanted to write on a professional level. I could easily see myself being a journalist, or a novelist, or even get paid to blog. Even my English professor is fond of my skills.
That could be a passion, but it's not quite so.
Now, before you go and guess that I am passionate about Kenny - and you're not far from the truth - I must stop you before you go there. But I will tell you that you're close.
I love being a mom. Even on days like today when each one of my boys were testing my patience. They are my babies, no matter how old they get. I am proud of them, and will always be proud of them.
But that's not my passion. However, yet again, you're close.
I am most passionate about my life. I love living. I love feeling alive. The love that surrounds me keeps me going strong. I am forever thankful for my family and friends. I will forever be grateful for my boys, and for Ken. I am eternally endowed to our God for giving me the chance to live this great life.
So...what are you passionate about? What makes you feel alive?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Looking forward
The best part about today is that I can look forward. And when I do, I can see light. It hasn't always been like this, ever. It's near impossible to find the right words that describe where I am at today, on an emotional level. Ken and I have made plans for our future. We're taking a vacation together in July. We're moving in together in August. We're going to be married some day.
Married.
That's a word I never thought I'd say again. After my second divorce, I was determined to never make the same mistake again. Ever.
Then Kenny came into my life and changed that all around.
It's not just about getting married and having a ring on my finger. It's about spending the rest of my life with this man that loves me. The amount of love he pours into my heart is incomprehensible. He doesn't just tell me he loves me, he shows it. And in the way he shows it is something I have never experienced before. He looks out for me, and he looks out for my boys. He's always thinking into every angle possible with whatever decisions need to be made. He is affectionate, kind to others, caring for others, and has an incredible way of making people around him laugh. No matter what kind of day I am having, I know I can count on him to make everything better.
I love this man in ways I never dreamt of. I ache to be with him when we are apart. I feel complete when he is in the same room with me. He has taught me how to be me. He lets my spirit be free. He makes me feel beautiful, inside and out. I am proud of him.
They say relationships are never easy. But I have come to learn that relationships should not require a lot of work. Being with Kenny has made everything simple. We have just one rule - love each other in the best way we can. There is a bond between us that is so strong. Our passion for living is fulfilled when we are on the motorcycle together. We are confident that we will be able to get through anything, no matter what life throws at us.
We are surrounded by skeptics, which is to be expected due to our histories. I have to say, though, that it is because of our histories that we feel confident in ourselves. We sure did learn a lot from the mistakes we've made. We have been in just about any scenario you can imagine, and believe me - we know what to look for as far as what we don't want in a relationship. Ken has exceeded my expectations on all levels. There isn't even "that one little thing" that bothers me. I have nothing bad on this guy. He has nothing bad on me.
I have found my perfect. I have found my king. I have found life.
Married.
That's a word I never thought I'd say again. After my second divorce, I was determined to never make the same mistake again. Ever.
Then Kenny came into my life and changed that all around.
It's not just about getting married and having a ring on my finger. It's about spending the rest of my life with this man that loves me. The amount of love he pours into my heart is incomprehensible. He doesn't just tell me he loves me, he shows it. And in the way he shows it is something I have never experienced before. He looks out for me, and he looks out for my boys. He's always thinking into every angle possible with whatever decisions need to be made. He is affectionate, kind to others, caring for others, and has an incredible way of making people around him laugh. No matter what kind of day I am having, I know I can count on him to make everything better.
I love this man in ways I never dreamt of. I ache to be with him when we are apart. I feel complete when he is in the same room with me. He has taught me how to be me. He lets my spirit be free. He makes me feel beautiful, inside and out. I am proud of him.
They say relationships are never easy. But I have come to learn that relationships should not require a lot of work. Being with Kenny has made everything simple. We have just one rule - love each other in the best way we can. There is a bond between us that is so strong. Our passion for living is fulfilled when we are on the motorcycle together. We are confident that we will be able to get through anything, no matter what life throws at us.
We are surrounded by skeptics, which is to be expected due to our histories. I have to say, though, that it is because of our histories that we feel confident in ourselves. We sure did learn a lot from the mistakes we've made. We have been in just about any scenario you can imagine, and believe me - we know what to look for as far as what we don't want in a relationship. Ken has exceeded my expectations on all levels. There isn't even "that one little thing" that bothers me. I have nothing bad on this guy. He has nothing bad on me.
I have found my perfect. I have found my king. I have found life.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Adventures of Dylan
Five years ago, I gave birth to an adorable little brown eyed boy. He filled my life with laughter and wonder. This past Sunday, he decided to give me a taste of fear. My little boy wandered off on a little adventure which resulted in a very panicked mommy.
We had a big heat wave hit us this weekend, it was in the high 80's, low 90's, and none of us were feeling very well. My boys and I don't handle heat at all, and poor Dylan was the worst of us all. He was sick to his stomach, and was as cranky as an old man. I finally got him to lie down with an ice pack and he drifted off to sleep. Two hours passed, and it was time to take his brothers back to their dad. Grandma and I agreed it was best to keep Dylan at home where he could stay cool and get his rest. So the boys and I left.
I returned home less than an hour later to see Grandma sitting on the couch. "Oh, I just came downstairs to wait for Dylan to wake up. I haven't heard a peep out of him." I looked over to the other couch and saw the now thawed out ice pack on my couch. That was odd, he was downstairs in his bed with that, why was it on the couch? I went down to see if he was playing, no lights were on. "Hmm, maybe he went back to bed." I turned the lights on, and saw his bed had been abandoned. My curiousity increased, I called out to him and there was no answer. He'd always answer me when I called out to him. I looked in the bathroom, rushed upstairs and checked every room in the house. No Dylan. Alarms began to ring in my head - my little boy was not anywhere in the house. It had dawned on me that Dylan knew the older boys had gone next door to go swimming, maybe there was a chance he went there looking for us. I quickly walked to the pool, nobody had seen him. I continued to walk over to the playground at the park. Still no Dylan. Alarms turned to panic. I was on the phone with Kenny who was trying to keep me calm. The more people answered "no," the more panicked I became. I turned hysterical. My heart felt heavy, my mind was racing. By this time, there were a handful of people who were helping me in my search. Visions of Dylan being lost somewhere flashed through my mind. All I could see was my little guy, scared out of his mind, calling for me. I ran back to the house to see if Grandma had found him yet, all I got was another "no." At that time, it was decided to call the police. The one call I dreaded having to make.
"9-1-1...What's your emergency?"
"My son is missing. He's gone. I can't find him!!!" I sobbed, grasping onto my phone in desperation.
"How old is he ma'am?" the operator asked.
"He's five. He has brown hair, brown eyes. He's gone!!!!" I cried.
She immediately dispatched for an officer to come to my address. Then she said to me, "Ma'am, we're going to issue an Amber Alert. I need all the information you can give me. We will find him."
Amber Alert. Oh. My. God. Please. No. I sobbed harder. My heart died. My body was numb. I had heard of other kids going missing, some are found, some are not. Then I started thinking about what picture I was going to pick for them to use. Visuals of my son on the news flashed through my mind. My worst fear was staring at me in the face. My Dylan. Missing. Lost. Scared. Alone.
By this time, I was walking along Portland Avenue. I ran across some of the other neighbors who were helping me, the answer was still "no." I saw a man and two little boys walking up at the far end of our towhome complex. The smallest boy reminded me of Dylan. "That should be my boy." As I continued giving details to the operator, I couldn't take my eyes off the little boy. I wanted so badly for him to be my son. The closer I got to them, the more he looked like Dylan. I started to get angry at my eyes for deceiving me. This boy was wearing a different shirt than the one Dylan wore to bed. There was no way it could be him. When we were about a block apart, that little boy did in fact become Dylan.
MY BOY!!! I ran to him as fast as my sandalled feet could go. One sandal felt like it was going to fall off, I didn't care. I had to get to Dylan before he would disappear again. As soon as he saw me, he ran to me, "Mommy! Mommy!" I cried harder, I couldn't believe my little boy was found!!! I felt like I ran for miles, I felt like I couldn't get to him fast enough. We finally met, and I grabbed him into a hug and we fell to the grass. I told the operator I had my baby, he was ok and thanked her for helping. She was just about to hit the button to release the Amber Alert. The emergency was cancelled. I didn't need them anymore.
I had my baby in my arms. I sobbed, Dylan said, "It's ok mommy. Meet Cody!" I followed the direction his finger was pointed to, and found a boy just a little older than him, and saw a man standing next to him. The man was sobbing, too. He explained to me that he lived over in the neighborhood about a half mile around the corner, and had seen Dylan walking along the street. The man and his son walked my boy back in the direction he came from, hoping he'd find something familiar.
In this dangerous world we live in, my son was in the arms of an angel who helped him find a kind stranger to guide his way back home. I could not believe it. Dylan wasn't scared, he wasn't crying. The man said, "Your son is very brave. And he loves you very much, it shows." I thanked him for helping Dylan, and told him he was a good man.
Later that night, after a bath and bedtime lullaby, I watched my son as he slept. I cried again. I thanked God for blessing me with three wonderful boys, and thanked Him for bringing my son back home again. I never want to live through that hour again as long as I live. I pray that any other mother or father out there who has a missing child will be reuinted with their children again. I pray that nobody will have to live their worst nightmare. I pray that God will continue to carry my children in His hands.
We had a big heat wave hit us this weekend, it was in the high 80's, low 90's, and none of us were feeling very well. My boys and I don't handle heat at all, and poor Dylan was the worst of us all. He was sick to his stomach, and was as cranky as an old man. I finally got him to lie down with an ice pack and he drifted off to sleep. Two hours passed, and it was time to take his brothers back to their dad. Grandma and I agreed it was best to keep Dylan at home where he could stay cool and get his rest. So the boys and I left.
I returned home less than an hour later to see Grandma sitting on the couch. "Oh, I just came downstairs to wait for Dylan to wake up. I haven't heard a peep out of him." I looked over to the other couch and saw the now thawed out ice pack on my couch. That was odd, he was downstairs in his bed with that, why was it on the couch? I went down to see if he was playing, no lights were on. "Hmm, maybe he went back to bed." I turned the lights on, and saw his bed had been abandoned. My curiousity increased, I called out to him and there was no answer. He'd always answer me when I called out to him. I looked in the bathroom, rushed upstairs and checked every room in the house. No Dylan. Alarms began to ring in my head - my little boy was not anywhere in the house. It had dawned on me that Dylan knew the older boys had gone next door to go swimming, maybe there was a chance he went there looking for us. I quickly walked to the pool, nobody had seen him. I continued to walk over to the playground at the park. Still no Dylan. Alarms turned to panic. I was on the phone with Kenny who was trying to keep me calm. The more people answered "no," the more panicked I became. I turned hysterical. My heart felt heavy, my mind was racing. By this time, there were a handful of people who were helping me in my search. Visions of Dylan being lost somewhere flashed through my mind. All I could see was my little guy, scared out of his mind, calling for me. I ran back to the house to see if Grandma had found him yet, all I got was another "no." At that time, it was decided to call the police. The one call I dreaded having to make.
"9-1-1...What's your emergency?"
"My son is missing. He's gone. I can't find him!!!" I sobbed, grasping onto my phone in desperation.
"How old is he ma'am?" the operator asked.
"He's five. He has brown hair, brown eyes. He's gone!!!!" I cried.
She immediately dispatched for an officer to come to my address. Then she said to me, "Ma'am, we're going to issue an Amber Alert. I need all the information you can give me. We will find him."
Amber Alert. Oh. My. God. Please. No. I sobbed harder. My heart died. My body was numb. I had heard of other kids going missing, some are found, some are not. Then I started thinking about what picture I was going to pick for them to use. Visuals of my son on the news flashed through my mind. My worst fear was staring at me in the face. My Dylan. Missing. Lost. Scared. Alone.
By this time, I was walking along Portland Avenue. I ran across some of the other neighbors who were helping me, the answer was still "no." I saw a man and two little boys walking up at the far end of our towhome complex. The smallest boy reminded me of Dylan. "That should be my boy." As I continued giving details to the operator, I couldn't take my eyes off the little boy. I wanted so badly for him to be my son. The closer I got to them, the more he looked like Dylan. I started to get angry at my eyes for deceiving me. This boy was wearing a different shirt than the one Dylan wore to bed. There was no way it could be him. When we were about a block apart, that little boy did in fact become Dylan.
MY BOY!!! I ran to him as fast as my sandalled feet could go. One sandal felt like it was going to fall off, I didn't care. I had to get to Dylan before he would disappear again. As soon as he saw me, he ran to me, "Mommy! Mommy!" I cried harder, I couldn't believe my little boy was found!!! I felt like I ran for miles, I felt like I couldn't get to him fast enough. We finally met, and I grabbed him into a hug and we fell to the grass. I told the operator I had my baby, he was ok and thanked her for helping. She was just about to hit the button to release the Amber Alert. The emergency was cancelled. I didn't need them anymore.
I had my baby in my arms. I sobbed, Dylan said, "It's ok mommy. Meet Cody!" I followed the direction his finger was pointed to, and found a boy just a little older than him, and saw a man standing next to him. The man was sobbing, too. He explained to me that he lived over in the neighborhood about a half mile around the corner, and had seen Dylan walking along the street. The man and his son walked my boy back in the direction he came from, hoping he'd find something familiar.
In this dangerous world we live in, my son was in the arms of an angel who helped him find a kind stranger to guide his way back home. I could not believe it. Dylan wasn't scared, he wasn't crying. The man said, "Your son is very brave. And he loves you very much, it shows." I thanked him for helping Dylan, and told him he was a good man.
Later that night, after a bath and bedtime lullaby, I watched my son as he slept. I cried again. I thanked God for blessing me with three wonderful boys, and thanked Him for bringing my son back home again. I never want to live through that hour again as long as I live. I pray that any other mother or father out there who has a missing child will be reuinted with their children again. I pray that nobody will have to live their worst nightmare. I pray that God will continue to carry my children in His hands.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Watch What You Read
Another essay I had to write. I had fun doing this one! This was based on Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels & Demons." I truly enjoyed each book for their entertainment, but questioned a lot of what Brown indicated to be true.
Critical thinking is imperative when considering facts while reading any type of literature, whether it is fact or fiction. Several books and movies have been written to prove or disprove the conspiracies behind secret organizations. One of the most controversial authors has been Dan Brown. He is the author of “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons.” “The Da Vinci Code” identifies an organization called “Priory of Sion,” while “Angels and Demons” identifies the Illuminati group. In both novels, Brown claims each organization is protecting secrets that could crumble the Christian and Catholic religions. Brown pointed out facts that would indicate such secrets by stating, “All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate” at the beginning of each book. Despite the fact that both novels are non-fiction, there were some written facts that have created quite the controversial uproar from religious experts and historians. They would argue that Brown’s “facts” were indeed not true.
Dan Brown wrote both novels based on a character named Robert Langdon. Langdon is a symbology professor at Harvard University. In “The Da Vinci Code,” he is on a quest to solve the mystery of his old friend, Jacques Sauniere, who was a curator of The Louvre in Paris, France. Following a bizarre twist of codes that were supposedly hidden in Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintings, Langdon finds an organization called “Priory of Sion” who was hiding a secret linked to the Holy Grail. It is argued that the “Priory of Sion” did not exist, but was instead a fraud created in the 1950’s by Pierre Plantard (Introvigne, ??). It was found that Plantard was charged and sentenced by the French government for creating the fraud (Smith, ??). Plantard claimed the truth of the organization was found in the “Les Dossiers Secrets”, which he wrote were actual documents indicating that the organization was real, and was led by famous historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin and Leonardo Da Vinci. Brown failed to note that these documents were admitted to being false by its creators (Introvigne, ??).
The prequel “Angels and Demons” introduces the Illuminati organization to Brown’s readers. Once again, Professor Langdon gets involved in yet, another, bizarre twist of clues through symbolism. He saves the world from a terrorist who threatens the Vatican City with an anti-matter bomb. This time, Brown was more accurate in his claims that the organization exists. However, he still twisted some false information in the truth. He wrote that the Illuminati organization was focused on infiltrating the Freemasons and the government in order to become more powerful and gain control. In the book, it was their mission to destroy the Catholic Church by revealing the truth regarding Jesus’ bloodline. The actual truth behind the Illuminati organization is merely that it was organized for the simple act of surviving the depths of politics and religion, or in other words, a secret alliance. (Dice, 2009) It was created by a German man named Adam Weishaupt in the late 1700’s whose goal was to”… secretly infiltrate key positions of power in politics, morally corrupt society, and ultimately abolish Christianity” (Dice, 2009). While some of what Brown wrote in his book may be more accurate than that of “The Da Vinci Code,” it was still very farfetched from the truth.
When reading any book associated with conspiracy theories, it is imperative to remember the facts behind the fiction. Non-fiction novels are written purely for entertainment. However, don’t always believe what you read just because the author might say it is true. Without hard supporting evidence, one should remain critical of the information they receive.
Dice, M. (2009, April). The Illuminati: Facts and Fiction. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.illuminatifacts.com
Introvigne, M. (n.d.). Beyond "The Da Vinci Code": What is the Priory of Sion?. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.cesnur.org/2004/mi_davinci_en.html
Smith, P. (n.d.). Pierre Plantard Criminal Convictions 1953 and 1956. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://priory-of-sion.com/psp/ppconvictions.html
Watch What You Read
Critical thinking is imperative when considering facts while reading any type of literature, whether it is fact or fiction. Several books and movies have been written to prove or disprove the conspiracies behind secret organizations. One of the most controversial authors has been Dan Brown. He is the author of “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons.” “The Da Vinci Code” identifies an organization called “Priory of Sion,” while “Angels and Demons” identifies the Illuminati group. In both novels, Brown claims each organization is protecting secrets that could crumble the Christian and Catholic religions. Brown pointed out facts that would indicate such secrets by stating, “All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate” at the beginning of each book. Despite the fact that both novels are non-fiction, there were some written facts that have created quite the controversial uproar from religious experts and historians. They would argue that Brown’s “facts” were indeed not true.
Dan Brown wrote both novels based on a character named Robert Langdon. Langdon is a symbology professor at Harvard University. In “The Da Vinci Code,” he is on a quest to solve the mystery of his old friend, Jacques Sauniere, who was a curator of The Louvre in Paris, France. Following a bizarre twist of codes that were supposedly hidden in Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintings, Langdon finds an organization called “Priory of Sion” who was hiding a secret linked to the Holy Grail. It is argued that the “Priory of Sion” did not exist, but was instead a fraud created in the 1950’s by Pierre Plantard (Introvigne, ??). It was found that Plantard was charged and sentenced by the French government for creating the fraud (Smith, ??). Plantard claimed the truth of the organization was found in the “Les Dossiers Secrets”, which he wrote were actual documents indicating that the organization was real, and was led by famous historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin and Leonardo Da Vinci. Brown failed to note that these documents were admitted to being false by its creators (Introvigne, ??).
The prequel “Angels and Demons” introduces the Illuminati organization to Brown’s readers. Once again, Professor Langdon gets involved in yet, another, bizarre twist of clues through symbolism. He saves the world from a terrorist who threatens the Vatican City with an anti-matter bomb. This time, Brown was more accurate in his claims that the organization exists. However, he still twisted some false information in the truth. He wrote that the Illuminati organization was focused on infiltrating the Freemasons and the government in order to become more powerful and gain control. In the book, it was their mission to destroy the Catholic Church by revealing the truth regarding Jesus’ bloodline. The actual truth behind the Illuminati organization is merely that it was organized for the simple act of surviving the depths of politics and religion, or in other words, a secret alliance. (Dice, 2009) It was created by a German man named Adam Weishaupt in the late 1700’s whose goal was to”… secretly infiltrate key positions of power in politics, morally corrupt society, and ultimately abolish Christianity” (Dice, 2009). While some of what Brown wrote in his book may be more accurate than that of “The Da Vinci Code,” it was still very farfetched from the truth.
When reading any book associated with conspiracy theories, it is imperative to remember the facts behind the fiction. Non-fiction novels are written purely for entertainment. However, don’t always believe what you read just because the author might say it is true. Without hard supporting evidence, one should remain critical of the information they receive.
References
Dice, M. (2009, April). The Illuminati: Facts and Fiction. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.illuminatifacts.com
Introvigne, M. (n.d.). Beyond "The Da Vinci Code": What is the Priory of Sion?. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.cesnur.org/2004/mi_davinci_en.html
Smith, P. (n.d.). Pierre Plantard Criminal Convictions 1953 and 1956. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://priory-of-sion.com/psp/ppconvictions.html
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Full plate? Naaaahhhhh
Call me silly, insane...whatever you want...I have a full plate and I love it!! I'm not under stress because I feel this is how to get my business under control.
Have you ever thought about it? Each and every single one of us own our own business. We do!! It's called "Our Life, Inc." You manage your finances, you set appointments, you purchase items, you manage people (children), you pay bills, and file taxes! Just like any ordinary business! Hot damn....
So in my business, I am doing everything in my power to avoid bankruptcy and I am determined be successful. I have made prior business agreements that were not good deals. I have now found a business partner who is in it for both our good, not just mine or his. In the end, we will be more successful than we ever have been before!
My Prince is now 5 years old! He's growing up!! Of course, he's only getting wiser. "Mama, now that I'm 5 years old, I can do whatever I want!" Think again kiddo.
Time to go attend to the most important part of my business - the income.
Have you ever thought about it? Each and every single one of us own our own business. We do!! It's called "Our Life, Inc." You manage your finances, you set appointments, you purchase items, you manage people (children), you pay bills, and file taxes! Just like any ordinary business! Hot damn....
So in my business, I am doing everything in my power to avoid bankruptcy and I am determined be successful. I have made prior business agreements that were not good deals. I have now found a business partner who is in it for both our good, not just mine or his. In the end, we will be more successful than we ever have been before!
My Prince is now 5 years old! He's growing up!! Of course, he's only getting wiser. "Mama, now that I'm 5 years old, I can do whatever I want!" Think again kiddo.
Time to go attend to the most important part of my business - the income.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Time
Time can either be our best friend, or our enemy.
No matter how you look at it, it's always there.
Ticking.
Tocking.
Ticking.
Sometimes I wish it would just stop, or slow down at least. My boys are growing too fast. That woman looking back at me in the mirror is only getting older. She's still the same determined woman who's not about to let time get the best of her. But time is starting to catch up.
There are many years on this old soul of mine. I have seen days I wish to never see again. I have felt pain I wish to never feel again. I have been broken. I have scars. But I have healed. I have learned. I am going forward, steadfast and upright. I'm still young and full of energy. I'm in love. I am loved. I have the best family I could ever ask for. My friends are my rocks. Kenny is my hero.
Time is ticking, for sure. I want events to happen now. But I want things to slow down. Summer is breathing on us now. I will be taking my boys out on fun adventures and showing them how to live, and what life is truly about. Kenny and I will be going on a road trip. I am going to embrace each day of this summer, and I'm going to try and slow each day down the best way I can. I will make sure to live without letting life slip through my fingers.
No matter how you look at it, it's always there.
Ticking.
Tocking.
Ticking.
Sometimes I wish it would just stop, or slow down at least. My boys are growing too fast. That woman looking back at me in the mirror is only getting older. She's still the same determined woman who's not about to let time get the best of her. But time is starting to catch up.
There are many years on this old soul of mine. I have seen days I wish to never see again. I have felt pain I wish to never feel again. I have been broken. I have scars. But I have healed. I have learned. I am going forward, steadfast and upright. I'm still young and full of energy. I'm in love. I am loved. I have the best family I could ever ask for. My friends are my rocks. Kenny is my hero.
Time is ticking, for sure. I want events to happen now. But I want things to slow down. Summer is breathing on us now. I will be taking my boys out on fun adventures and showing them how to live, and what life is truly about. Kenny and I will be going on a road trip. I am going to embrace each day of this summer, and I'm going to try and slow each day down the best way I can. I will make sure to live without letting life slip through my fingers.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Updates
As some of you may know, I had decided to take a turn on my life back in February. Not only did this mean to leave a bad relationship, it meant to rebuild who I am as a person. I have made an astounding amount of progress, but I still have a long way to go!
I have made a lot of accomplishments over the last 4 months. My debt is slowly getting chipped away. I have been fighting with the three credit reporting agencies to correct the information they have on me. All three reports show a 50+ point difference! One of them even has me under DiSciullo Jr. Huh??? And even has me living at an address I never lived at before. I'm verifying all the bills that have been reported against me - making sure they are legit. I have a two collection agencies who have not reported my balance as being paid in full. I wish I knew more about the best ways to clean up credit - but I'm not willing to pay a fee to a consultant to tell me how. I'm just going to keep on chipping away, and hopefully in a year I will have a much better score!
I am my third week into school. WOW. It's incredibly challenging! I am having some trouble keeping up, but I have no trouble making up for lost time. So far I'm getting excellent scores on my papers and tests - I have midterms next week! EEPS! I was at my best friend's graduation ceremony today. I couldn't help but sit there and day dream about my own graduation. I never walked down an aisle with a cap and gown. I sure would like to do that, and I will be very proud to wear the green and gold of Colorado State University!! I just love the sound of that! "University." I am a student of a university. How cool is that!!!
My health is continuing to get better. I have kept my quit for nearly 6 months!! It's hard to believe it's been that long. I'm not in the clear yet - I still get cravings, and I still struggle from time to time. If you look in my purse, you will see I still have packs of gum in there. The difference now is that I am not dependent on them.
Confession: I am an insomniac. I cannot sleep. Hence why I am awake at 2:00 in the morning writing my blog, and writing a new blog for my fitness program. I'm excited because Ken is coming home tomorrow. I'm yawning, but all I can do is toss and turn. I have too much to do. I have a lot on my plate. And I'm too hard on myself to get it all done at once. Patience is not something I do well with. I want things now. I wanted them yesterday. I don't want to wait until tomorrow. I feel like I just want to hit the fast forward button.
And yet, when I am with Ken, it all slows down. It's almost as if he makes everything run smoother. It's almost as if everything keeps on happening around us while we are standing still. I cannot wait for him to be home tomorrow. I cannot wait to be in the same room with him. I just want to feel his presence.
I have made a lot of accomplishments over the last 4 months. My debt is slowly getting chipped away. I have been fighting with the three credit reporting agencies to correct the information they have on me. All three reports show a 50+ point difference! One of them even has me under DiSciullo Jr. Huh??? And even has me living at an address I never lived at before. I'm verifying all the bills that have been reported against me - making sure they are legit. I have a two collection agencies who have not reported my balance as being paid in full. I wish I knew more about the best ways to clean up credit - but I'm not willing to pay a fee to a consultant to tell me how. I'm just going to keep on chipping away, and hopefully in a year I will have a much better score!
I am my third week into school. WOW. It's incredibly challenging! I am having some trouble keeping up, but I have no trouble making up for lost time. So far I'm getting excellent scores on my papers and tests - I have midterms next week! EEPS! I was at my best friend's graduation ceremony today. I couldn't help but sit there and day dream about my own graduation. I never walked down an aisle with a cap and gown. I sure would like to do that, and I will be very proud to wear the green and gold of Colorado State University!! I just love the sound of that! "University." I am a student of a university. How cool is that!!!
My health is continuing to get better. I have kept my quit for nearly 6 months!! It's hard to believe it's been that long. I'm not in the clear yet - I still get cravings, and I still struggle from time to time. If you look in my purse, you will see I still have packs of gum in there. The difference now is that I am not dependent on them.
Confession: I am an insomniac. I cannot sleep. Hence why I am awake at 2:00 in the morning writing my blog, and writing a new blog for my fitness program. I'm excited because Ken is coming home tomorrow. I'm yawning, but all I can do is toss and turn. I have too much to do. I have a lot on my plate. And I'm too hard on myself to get it all done at once. Patience is not something I do well with. I want things now. I wanted them yesterday. I don't want to wait until tomorrow. I feel like I just want to hit the fast forward button.
And yet, when I am with Ken, it all slows down. It's almost as if he makes everything run smoother. It's almost as if everything keeps on happening around us while we are standing still. I cannot wait for him to be home tomorrow. I cannot wait to be in the same room with him. I just want to feel his presence.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Internet Dating
This is a paper I just submitted for my composition writing class. I thought it was too good not to share. I'm sure a few of you can relate! Enjoy!
This day in age, if you ask a couple how they found one another, more than likely they will tell you they met through an Internet dating portal. A few popular portals are www.match.com, www.eHarmony.com, Yahoo! Personals, or www.plentyoffish.com. There are different views on how this method is actually a good way to find that special someone. Our society is still learning to accept the Internet as a way to meet people. To some, this could be a perfectly good way to meet a serial killer or con artist. To others, this method is the best opportunity to be picky and selective in order to find that perfect person.
There is an estimated 20 million people who use an online dating site of some kind in the United States (Angel, 2010). Some will pay hundreds of dollars while others pay as little as nothing just so they can find their “soul mate.” According to Census 2000, there were approximately 281.4 million people living in the U.S. (Simmons & O’Neill, 2001). Give or take a few million more, you will find that over 31% of our population has found their wife or husband on the computer (Angel, 2010). These numbers will continue to increase as our younger generations continue to rely primarily on technology and the Internet.
After my second divorce, curiosity got the best of me and I found myself experimenting with what my fellow friends had been bragging about. The first step in this process was to create a personality profile. It was no trouble finding a few pictures I felt to be appropriate enough to show hundreds of complete strangers. I had more trouble creating my profile without sounding like a used car salesman trying to sell a rusty old Camaro. It was very difficult to show my true self through words without giving too much information away. I noticed I was a little tempted to fib a bit about myself. In fact, I realized I was not the only one who would fib on their profile. According to a ScientificAmerican journal podcast, approximately 90% of online profilers are not honest about themselves (Author Unknown, 2007). Nobody is going to post, “Hi, my name is Bob. My house is never clean; I cheated on all my girlfriends; and eat at McDonald’s every day.” Instead, you may see the following; “Hi, my name is Bob. I keep up with my chores as often as I can when I am not busy walking on the beach during sunsets. I believe in exploring all my options in a relationship, and love exploring my exotic tastes in food.”
After editing my profile on several occasions, I finally hit the “Post” button. The responses came in very quickly, and by the masses. My email inbox filled up with several messages from men who were interested in my profile. I was dumbfounded at how many of those men actually thought I would be interested in a response full of poor grammar and caveman-like sentences. My own children would have been embarrassed by some of the emails I received! Some of the men did not even take the time to try an impress me with an email, they simply clicked on an “icebreaker” button which usually said, “Hi, I like your profile.” While this may be a step up from a drunk trying out his latest pick up line, I was still not the least bit impressed. I was, however, delighted at the ability to simply delete each email instead of throwing my drink on the pursuing drunk.
It was interesting to learn that one out of five people who have met online have actually married (Hwang, 2009). While I agree with that study, due to the number of friends and colleagues I know, I also disagree that it works for everyone. My online experience led me into a very bad relationship. It is important to make sure you take every cautious step possible; it is also hard to know when you are getting yourself into something bad right from the start. There are several tips on proper Internet dating etiquette, and safety procedures.
___________________________________________________________________________
References
Users Of Online Dating Services Often Fib. (2007, February 7). Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=994541FD-E7F2-99DF-3EECA44E11A92F92
Angel, J. (2009, April 2). Online Dating - Statistics. Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Online-Dating---Statistics&id=2177031
Shocking Scientific Research Verifies Online Dating Dishonesty. (2007, February). Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://braindancing.blogspot.com/2007/02/shocking-scientific-research-verifies.html
Simmons, T., & O'Neill, G. (2001, September). Households and Families: 2000. Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-8.pdf
This day in age, if you ask a couple how they found one another, more than likely they will tell you they met through an Internet dating portal. A few popular portals are www.match.com, www.eHarmony.com, Yahoo! Personals, or www.plentyoffish.com. There are different views on how this method is actually a good way to find that special someone. Our society is still learning to accept the Internet as a way to meet people. To some, this could be a perfectly good way to meet a serial killer or con artist. To others, this method is the best opportunity to be picky and selective in order to find that perfect person.
There is an estimated 20 million people who use an online dating site of some kind in the United States (Angel, 2010). Some will pay hundreds of dollars while others pay as little as nothing just so they can find their “soul mate.” According to Census 2000, there were approximately 281.4 million people living in the U.S. (Simmons & O’Neill, 2001). Give or take a few million more, you will find that over 31% of our population has found their wife or husband on the computer (Angel, 2010). These numbers will continue to increase as our younger generations continue to rely primarily on technology and the Internet.
After my second divorce, curiosity got the best of me and I found myself experimenting with what my fellow friends had been bragging about. The first step in this process was to create a personality profile. It was no trouble finding a few pictures I felt to be appropriate enough to show hundreds of complete strangers. I had more trouble creating my profile without sounding like a used car salesman trying to sell a rusty old Camaro. It was very difficult to show my true self through words without giving too much information away. I noticed I was a little tempted to fib a bit about myself. In fact, I realized I was not the only one who would fib on their profile. According to a ScientificAmerican journal podcast, approximately 90% of online profilers are not honest about themselves (Author Unknown, 2007). Nobody is going to post, “Hi, my name is Bob. My house is never clean; I cheated on all my girlfriends; and eat at McDonald’s every day.” Instead, you may see the following; “Hi, my name is Bob. I keep up with my chores as often as I can when I am not busy walking on the beach during sunsets. I believe in exploring all my options in a relationship, and love exploring my exotic tastes in food.”
After editing my profile on several occasions, I finally hit the “Post” button. The responses came in very quickly, and by the masses. My email inbox filled up with several messages from men who were interested in my profile. I was dumbfounded at how many of those men actually thought I would be interested in a response full of poor grammar and caveman-like sentences. My own children would have been embarrassed by some of the emails I received! Some of the men did not even take the time to try an impress me with an email, they simply clicked on an “icebreaker” button which usually said, “Hi, I like your profile.” While this may be a step up from a drunk trying out his latest pick up line, I was still not the least bit impressed. I was, however, delighted at the ability to simply delete each email instead of throwing my drink on the pursuing drunk.
It was interesting to learn that one out of five people who have met online have actually married (Hwang, 2009). While I agree with that study, due to the number of friends and colleagues I know, I also disagree that it works for everyone. My online experience led me into a very bad relationship. It is important to make sure you take every cautious step possible; it is also hard to know when you are getting yourself into something bad right from the start. There are several tips on proper Internet dating etiquette, and safety procedures.
___________________________________________________________________________
References
Users Of Online Dating Services Often Fib. (2007, February 7). Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=994541FD-E7F2-99DF-3EECA44E11A92F92
Angel, J. (2009, April 2). Online Dating - Statistics. Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Online-Dating---Statistics&id=2177031
Shocking Scientific Research Verifies Online Dating Dishonesty. (2007, February). Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://braindancing.blogspot.com/2007/02/shocking-scientific-research-verifies.html
Simmons, T., & O'Neill, G. (2001, September). Households and Families: 2000. Retrieved May 10, 2010, from http://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-8.pdf
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A week full of Dylan-isms
Well, my chatterbox sweet and innocent little boy had some more unsuspecting surprises this week. Of course, it all has to happen when he's meeting my boyfriend for the first time.
Dylan: Hey Kenny! Guess what?
Kenny: What?
Dylan: I fell down at school today and had a heart attack!
Kenny: You had a heart attack?
Dylan: Yeah! See? (Points at elbow) My heart attack is right there! See??? (All you see is a small little scrape on his elbow.)
So now, according to Dylan, anytime he falls or gets a scrape, he's having a heart attack. Oh my.
On the same night, after dinner, we walked over to the park to play at the playground. Dylan is running around with his new ball I had just purchased for him. Kenny and I are sitting by, watching and laughing at him. Dylan went to kick his ball, and instead of actually punting it, he landed on it. As he landed on it, his body lunged forward, therefore resulting in a face plant right into the gravel. Of course, as a mother, I'm ready to run to him just in case this should freak him out a bit. Instead, I found myself holding back fits of giggles as he stood up spitting pebbles out of his mouth. He muttered, "Well that was just yucky." Of course, my ability to not laugh failed me miserably. As I giggled, I walked to him to check him out, asked if he was alright, he responded, "Yeah, I got it all out. It was in my nose mama! It's NOT funny!" Oh dear.
And last, but not least, tonight was just absolutely the best of all Dylan-isms I could possibly post so far. And I have TWO of them! Kenny, Dylan, and I went to Chili's for dinner. After much debate, Dylan picked out his meal and his chocolate milk. Like a grown boy that he is, he politely asked our server, "I would like the grilled cheese and chocolate milk please." A few minutes passed by, Kenny and I were served our drinks. Then another minute later, the chips and salsa are served. After Dylan had crunched down a few chips, he lets out a big sigh, and says, "Man, I'm thirsty! Where IS my drink?" His big brown eyes were just as sad as they could be! Our server stopped by our table to check on us, Dylan pats his little hand on the table, then says, "May I PLEASE have my chocolate milk???" I must point out how he was very, very firm on his "PLEASE" but he was incredibly polite!!! It was way too cute!
Later, it was time to put Dylan to bed. Kenny sat aside, out of the way, and quiet as he could be. Dylan was putting up a bit of a struggle, trying to come up with whatever excuse a nearly-five-year-old could possibly think of. "I'm not tired." "But I'll miss Kenny." (AAAAWWwwwWWWWwww) "I'm thirsty." I explained to him that I didn't want to go to bed too, but I had to because I have to work. After explaining to him he had to get some sleep so he wouldn't have a bad day at school tomorrow, he said, "But WHY?" I said, "So you can grow up and be a good worker some day! You can be whatever you want to be! Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?" He said, "Yes." "What's that?"
"A worker."
Gosh, he's smart.
Dylan: Hey Kenny! Guess what?
Kenny: What?
Dylan: I fell down at school today and had a heart attack!
Kenny: You had a heart attack?
Dylan: Yeah! See? (Points at elbow) My heart attack is right there! See??? (All you see is a small little scrape on his elbow.)
So now, according to Dylan, anytime he falls or gets a scrape, he's having a heart attack. Oh my.
On the same night, after dinner, we walked over to the park to play at the playground. Dylan is running around with his new ball I had just purchased for him. Kenny and I are sitting by, watching and laughing at him. Dylan went to kick his ball, and instead of actually punting it, he landed on it. As he landed on it, his body lunged forward, therefore resulting in a face plant right into the gravel. Of course, as a mother, I'm ready to run to him just in case this should freak him out a bit. Instead, I found myself holding back fits of giggles as he stood up spitting pebbles out of his mouth. He muttered, "Well that was just yucky." Of course, my ability to not laugh failed me miserably. As I giggled, I walked to him to check him out, asked if he was alright, he responded, "Yeah, I got it all out. It was in my nose mama! It's NOT funny!" Oh dear.
And last, but not least, tonight was just absolutely the best of all Dylan-isms I could possibly post so far. And I have TWO of them! Kenny, Dylan, and I went to Chili's for dinner. After much debate, Dylan picked out his meal and his chocolate milk. Like a grown boy that he is, he politely asked our server, "I would like the grilled cheese and chocolate milk please." A few minutes passed by, Kenny and I were served our drinks. Then another minute later, the chips and salsa are served. After Dylan had crunched down a few chips, he lets out a big sigh, and says, "Man, I'm thirsty! Where IS my drink?" His big brown eyes were just as sad as they could be! Our server stopped by our table to check on us, Dylan pats his little hand on the table, then says, "May I PLEASE have my chocolate milk???" I must point out how he was very, very firm on his "PLEASE" but he was incredibly polite!!! It was way too cute!
Later, it was time to put Dylan to bed. Kenny sat aside, out of the way, and quiet as he could be. Dylan was putting up a bit of a struggle, trying to come up with whatever excuse a nearly-five-year-old could possibly think of. "I'm not tired." "But I'll miss Kenny." (AAAAWWwwwWWWWwww) "I'm thirsty." I explained to him that I didn't want to go to bed too, but I had to because I have to work. After explaining to him he had to get some sleep so he wouldn't have a bad day at school tomorrow, he said, "But WHY?" I said, "So you can grow up and be a good worker some day! You can be whatever you want to be! Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?" He said, "Yes." "What's that?"
"A worker."
Gosh, he's smart.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Pieces
On the night of February 3rd, I sat on my knees in the middle of the floor of the basement of my grandma's house. I had just spent an exhuasting day moving whatever I could out of my old house. I left a lot behind. I focused on my boys' things before I took my own things. I started with my clothes and workd my way out. I left behind half my life. I turned my back on my pasts.
I sat there, broken. I felt empty. I sobbed for hours. My hot tears were of relief, fear, and pain. I had lost all the pieces of me that held me together. I was being told that I was strong and brave for doing what I had to do. I sure didn't feel like it. I felt the weakest I had ever felt in my life. There were words I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to know what he did to me. I needed him to understand what he had done. He broke me. He took the one last piece of me I had left. He took my dignity.
But I was damned if I was going to stay that way. I cried all I needed to cry that night. The next day I woke up, determined to put the pieces of me back together again. I set a plan for my life. I figured out what it was that I had to do for me. I realized it was time to be selfish. It was time to be strong. Day by day, piece by piece, I was getting stronger.
As some of you have learned, I have found a man. He is teaching me what it's like to be trusted, respected, and most of all.....loved. I have allowed him to come into my precious sanctuary. He has shown me that it's ok to let go. I'm still hanging on strong. He knows I will not let him take any pieces of me, and he is ok with it. He encourages me to continue building myself. He is proud of my strength. He carries me high above his own self.
My plans are still in place. My focus is still on track. I have not lost my direction. If anything, Kenny has become my compass. If I start to get a little lost, he will be right there to guide me back in the right direction.
Part of my rebuilding process is bonding with those who I should be close to. I have never allowed anyone to get close to me. My mom and I are working on building a solid mother/daughter relationship. I look forward to the weekend I will be spending at her place up in the mountains. We will share some drinks, some laughs, and probably even some tears. Whatever may happen, it is my goal to become closer to her. She's an important person in my life, and I need to let her in. I need to learn to trust her again.
Another step is to get my darn college degree I have attempted to get over all these years. I have about 2 1/2 years to finish it up, but I'm determined to get that diploma. I allowed my previous relatoinships to get in the way of that goal. Not this time! And he's ok with that.
February 3rd was nearly three months ago. It's so hard to believe that I am where I am now. I sure didn't see it! There is no longer any darkness. Things are so great with my job, I have a wondeful man who's come into my life, my boys are all happy and healthy - and most of all - I am happy and healthy.
I said I was going to rebuild my kingdom brick by brick. I am happy to say that my kingdom is coming back together again. Only this time, it's more solid than it's ever been before. And it's going to stay that way. I will never again allow anyone to tear down the walls.
And you know what? In the end, he never took my dignity. He didn't take a damn thing from me. In fact, he made me even stronger than I had ever been before. I am steadfast and stubborn. I stand higher today, therefore I stand strong. My pride is stronger than it ever has been before.
I sat there, broken. I felt empty. I sobbed for hours. My hot tears were of relief, fear, and pain. I had lost all the pieces of me that held me together. I was being told that I was strong and brave for doing what I had to do. I sure didn't feel like it. I felt the weakest I had ever felt in my life. There were words I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to know what he did to me. I needed him to understand what he had done. He broke me. He took the one last piece of me I had left. He took my dignity.
But I was damned if I was going to stay that way. I cried all I needed to cry that night. The next day I woke up, determined to put the pieces of me back together again. I set a plan for my life. I figured out what it was that I had to do for me. I realized it was time to be selfish. It was time to be strong. Day by day, piece by piece, I was getting stronger.
As some of you have learned, I have found a man. He is teaching me what it's like to be trusted, respected, and most of all.....loved. I have allowed him to come into my precious sanctuary. He has shown me that it's ok to let go. I'm still hanging on strong. He knows I will not let him take any pieces of me, and he is ok with it. He encourages me to continue building myself. He is proud of my strength. He carries me high above his own self.
My plans are still in place. My focus is still on track. I have not lost my direction. If anything, Kenny has become my compass. If I start to get a little lost, he will be right there to guide me back in the right direction.
Part of my rebuilding process is bonding with those who I should be close to. I have never allowed anyone to get close to me. My mom and I are working on building a solid mother/daughter relationship. I look forward to the weekend I will be spending at her place up in the mountains. We will share some drinks, some laughs, and probably even some tears. Whatever may happen, it is my goal to become closer to her. She's an important person in my life, and I need to let her in. I need to learn to trust her again.
Another step is to get my darn college degree I have attempted to get over all these years. I have about 2 1/2 years to finish it up, but I'm determined to get that diploma. I allowed my previous relatoinships to get in the way of that goal. Not this time! And he's ok with that.
February 3rd was nearly three months ago. It's so hard to believe that I am where I am now. I sure didn't see it! There is no longer any darkness. Things are so great with my job, I have a wondeful man who's come into my life, my boys are all happy and healthy - and most of all - I am happy and healthy.
I said I was going to rebuild my kingdom brick by brick. I am happy to say that my kingdom is coming back together again. Only this time, it's more solid than it's ever been before. And it's going to stay that way. I will never again allow anyone to tear down the walls.
And you know what? In the end, he never took my dignity. He didn't take a damn thing from me. In fact, he made me even stronger than I had ever been before. I am steadfast and stubborn. I stand higher today, therefore I stand strong. My pride is stronger than it ever has been before.
Monday, April 12, 2010
2010 is our year!
Well, what do you know? Grandma was right. If you stop looking for something, it will come find you. In my previous post, I stated I was done looking, so I stopped looking. Two days later, love found me. And now here I am, sitting on my butt with a huge grin on my face and my heart feeling full. A friend became more than what I ever thought I could have in a lover and companion. We spent the last two weeks talking and sharing stories of our lives. Today, we are dreaming of a future we want to share together.
First of all, I have never, EVER, felt this feeling before. To you skeptics out there, especially those of you who love me, you're going to want to smack me silly after you're done reading this. I have left my previous relationship extra guarded than I had ever been before. I refused to allow anyone into my sanctuary of emotions, even the former kings of my kingdom wasn't allowed in. My focus has been on my children, and how to make things better for us and our life. My only priority was making sure the boys and I are happy.
And now - I am happier than I have ever been. This kind of happiness doesn't measure up to the days my sons were born, but it sure does measure up to any monumental day of my life. Suddenly, everything is crystal clear. Stress isn't stressful anymore. Worries aren't creasing my forehead anymore. Suddenly - everything is ok. I feel a huge weight taken off my shoulders. I kid you not, and for the risk of sounding really corny - I feel like I finally got my fairytale ending. Normally, I would be freaking out at this point of dating. Normally, I would be sitting here saying, "Well, he's nice, but I'm sure there's something wrong with him."
One of my faults in any relationship I have ever been in, and yes, this includes my marriages - at this point I should pre-apologize to my ex husbands for having to admit this NOW - I have always looked for whatever negative thing I could find in him. Once I found that negative thing, and we're talking petty stuff here...."Oh God, he spelled that word wrong." or "Geezus, he only owns one pair of shoes".....I would hang onto that negativity and use it as a reason not to allow that guy into my sanctuary. While I would allow myself to "love" him, I would always remain cautious and alert. Then as the relationships went on and I began to learn the guy's faults, I would hang onto those red flags and be ready and guarded for anything bad that may happen - and actully learn to love him less instead of more so that the heartbreak would hurt less in the end. I was actually preparing myself for another failed relationship - because nothing lasts forever, we all know that.
Until now. Until this man came into my life. Sweet Jesus - everything in that last paragraph doesn't seem to exist anymore. I have yet to find anything negative that bothers me about this guy. By now, I would have found something - believe me. Oh please, I'm not saying he's perfect. I'm saying he's MY perfect. He may not be perfect for you, or Jane, or Sue, but he is for me. Each person has their person, and by golly - I found my person.
It's early. I know. But stick around. We'll show ya.
First of all, I have never, EVER, felt this feeling before. To you skeptics out there, especially those of you who love me, you're going to want to smack me silly after you're done reading this. I have left my previous relationship extra guarded than I had ever been before. I refused to allow anyone into my sanctuary of emotions, even the former kings of my kingdom wasn't allowed in. My focus has been on my children, and how to make things better for us and our life. My only priority was making sure the boys and I are happy.
And now - I am happier than I have ever been. This kind of happiness doesn't measure up to the days my sons were born, but it sure does measure up to any monumental day of my life. Suddenly, everything is crystal clear. Stress isn't stressful anymore. Worries aren't creasing my forehead anymore. Suddenly - everything is ok. I feel a huge weight taken off my shoulders. I kid you not, and for the risk of sounding really corny - I feel like I finally got my fairytale ending. Normally, I would be freaking out at this point of dating. Normally, I would be sitting here saying, "Well, he's nice, but I'm sure there's something wrong with him."
One of my faults in any relationship I have ever been in, and yes, this includes my marriages - at this point I should pre-apologize to my ex husbands for having to admit this NOW - I have always looked for whatever negative thing I could find in him. Once I found that negative thing, and we're talking petty stuff here...."Oh God, he spelled that word wrong." or "Geezus, he only owns one pair of shoes".....I would hang onto that negativity and use it as a reason not to allow that guy into my sanctuary. While I would allow myself to "love" him, I would always remain cautious and alert. Then as the relationships went on and I began to learn the guy's faults, I would hang onto those red flags and be ready and guarded for anything bad that may happen - and actully learn to love him less instead of more so that the heartbreak would hurt less in the end. I was actually preparing myself for another failed relationship - because nothing lasts forever, we all know that.
Until now. Until this man came into my life. Sweet Jesus - everything in that last paragraph doesn't seem to exist anymore. I have yet to find anything negative that bothers me about this guy. By now, I would have found something - believe me. Oh please, I'm not saying he's perfect. I'm saying he's MY perfect. He may not be perfect for you, or Jane, or Sue, but he is for me. Each person has their person, and by golly - I found my person.
It's early. I know. But stick around. We'll show ya.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Lif is....
I have so much I want to say, yet I sit here and stare at the blinking cursor. What better way than to start a blog by saying that?
What am I feeling? Why did I open up my blog and click on "New Entry?" I feel like I want to share something with my readers, yet....I'm not sure what.
I'll tell you what though, this single life thing is turning out pretty good. I've been able to establish who I am as a person, and what I want out of life. I have been accepted into CSU so I can finish my business degree. I'm stoked!!!! I have a promotion coming to me in the very near future. My health is fantastic. Tomorrow will mark the 4th month of my new smoke free life. My boys are happy. All in all, life is good!
I have put all dating interests aside. Now, please don't take that as a pluralized number of candidates. It's simply to be translated into the fact that I have put my dating lifestyle on hold. My schedule is now open, and I'm actually enjoying it. I'm using my spare time to do things for me, not to worry about what I'm going to wear that night. I'm done with the game of, "Gee, I wonder if he likes me. Should I call him? No, he should call me first." I'm focusing on my family and my friends, and my inner being.
Love is out there somewhere. Everyone finds it somehow. Right now, it's just not for me. I'm not interested in finding love. I'm not interested in having a boyfriend at the moment. Eventually, sure I'd like to have one. Eventually I want to fall hopelessly in love again. But I'm just not ready to sail in that boat yet. I'm enjoying who I am right now.
When I was a child, my grandma told me, "If you're looking for something, stop looking for it and it will find you." I always used that for whenever I lost something, i.e. my favorite sunglasses, or the missing shoe. I'm going to apply that to my life now. I can only control certain things, but I have decided it's time to stop trying to control my relationships. I believe they should only happen naturally. So...with that being said, I'm no longer "looking" for love. I will just let it find me. Let's just hope I'm not blind when it's staring me in the face!
Wow, for not knowing what to say, that's a lot of saying going on. I'm happy where I am right now. I'm not stressing out, nor am I worried about anything. My finances are being taken care of, things are working as they should.
Life is good.
What am I feeling? Why did I open up my blog and click on "New Entry?" I feel like I want to share something with my readers, yet....I'm not sure what.
I'll tell you what though, this single life thing is turning out pretty good. I've been able to establish who I am as a person, and what I want out of life. I have been accepted into CSU so I can finish my business degree. I'm stoked!!!! I have a promotion coming to me in the very near future. My health is fantastic. Tomorrow will mark the 4th month of my new smoke free life. My boys are happy. All in all, life is good!
I have put all dating interests aside. Now, please don't take that as a pluralized number of candidates. It's simply to be translated into the fact that I have put my dating lifestyle on hold. My schedule is now open, and I'm actually enjoying it. I'm using my spare time to do things for me, not to worry about what I'm going to wear that night. I'm done with the game of, "Gee, I wonder if he likes me. Should I call him? No, he should call me first." I'm focusing on my family and my friends, and my inner being.
Love is out there somewhere. Everyone finds it somehow. Right now, it's just not for me. I'm not interested in finding love. I'm not interested in having a boyfriend at the moment. Eventually, sure I'd like to have one. Eventually I want to fall hopelessly in love again. But I'm just not ready to sail in that boat yet. I'm enjoying who I am right now.
When I was a child, my grandma told me, "If you're looking for something, stop looking for it and it will find you." I always used that for whenever I lost something, i.e. my favorite sunglasses, or the missing shoe. I'm going to apply that to my life now. I can only control certain things, but I have decided it's time to stop trying to control my relationships. I believe they should only happen naturally. So...with that being said, I'm no longer "looking" for love. I will just let it find me. Let's just hope I'm not blind when it's staring me in the face!
Wow, for not knowing what to say, that's a lot of saying going on. I'm happy where I am right now. I'm not stressing out, nor am I worried about anything. My finances are being taken care of, things are working as they should.
Life is good.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Not Me Monday - 3/15/10
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by Mckmama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week, but here is what I haven't been doing:
Spring is upon us here in our great wonderful state! I decided it was a great day for hiking, so I packed up my three boys, our lunch, and away into the hills we went. We hiked and hiked and hiked and hiked until we couldn't hike anymore. Well, the kids got hungry. So my hiking partner and I turned them around and took them back to the trailhead for food. On the way back, the wee little Prince was tired, his feet were wet, so up on my back he went, piggy style.
As we were not trecking along, my foot DID NOT find a hole, thus NOT resulting in the rolling of my ankle under not only my weight, but my son's on top of it. No thanks to my new hearing aids, I didn't hear the sound of "snap-crackle-pop" as I went down. Luckily, I got my balance back without losing my kid. My friend swooped my son off my back and we went along. I kept waiting for the pain to set in. I just knew it was going to hurt. But no pain was felt as we kept on going. Not even a flinch. Driving all the way home, no sign of any injury.
Until the boot came off. Holy-mother-of-everything-under-the-sun!!! My foot DID NOT immediately swell up like a balloon. Nothing like this:
OW. And this was the morning after. Ouch.
So off to Urgent Care I went. After nearly 4 hours of waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more, the final diagnosis is "Severe Ankle Sprain." Doc said I would have been better off with a broken ankle, it'd hurt less. I tore up my ligaments all around the top of my foot as well as my ankle bone.
And went home with this:
Doctor's orders: Use crutches and air cast until pain subsides. He DID NOT add, "Oh, and that could take up to 6 weeks."
Seriously?
Ugh.
Thank goodness for 3 VERY helpful boys.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
♥ I miss you ♥
I remember the smell of his Old Spice. I swear I can still smell it even though the bottle was tossed.
I remember the smile on his face when I walked into the room. He was always so happy to see me.
I remember his laugh whenever I poked fun at him. His humor was dry, and if he laughed, it was an honor to be the one to make him finally laugh. Yet, I never had any trouble getting him to do it.
I remember his snore. The family would be laughing, talking; kids were running around; and in the middle of it all, there he was, in his big green chair - snoring.
When I was a little girl, he'd take me out on walks through the woods by his condo. We would pick flowers to take back to Grandma. He would tell me to watch my step. We'd find the coolest looking walking sticks. He would tell me what birds or animals we were looking at.
Every Christmas he was in charge of order. He would try with all his might, no matter how complicated, to keep order in chaos. There were 4 trashcans through out the room and we were all to properly dispose of our wrapping papers. However, without fail, every single year, the family would turn it into a basketball game with balls of wrapping paper flying across the room. "Now would you knock that off? You're a bunch of grown ups acting like children! Oh for Christ's sake, you missed! Now go pick that up and put it IN THE TRASH BUCKET!"
"I know you're 30 something years old, but dammit, you're my granddaughter and I'm very proud of you."
I miss you Grandpa. So much. Your passing has caused silence in the house. Christmas isn't the same without you. LIFE isn't the same without you. Someday I will see you again on the other side.
I love you.
In memory of Gerald Priebe 10/25/29 - 3/11/09 Always remembered, always loved.
I remember the smile on his face when I walked into the room. He was always so happy to see me.
I remember his laugh whenever I poked fun at him. His humor was dry, and if he laughed, it was an honor to be the one to make him finally laugh. Yet, I never had any trouble getting him to do it.
I remember his snore. The family would be laughing, talking; kids were running around; and in the middle of it all, there he was, in his big green chair - snoring.
When I was a little girl, he'd take me out on walks through the woods by his condo. We would pick flowers to take back to Grandma. He would tell me to watch my step. We'd find the coolest looking walking sticks. He would tell me what birds or animals we were looking at.
Every Christmas he was in charge of order. He would try with all his might, no matter how complicated, to keep order in chaos. There were 4 trashcans through out the room and we were all to properly dispose of our wrapping papers. However, without fail, every single year, the family would turn it into a basketball game with balls of wrapping paper flying across the room. "Now would you knock that off? You're a bunch of grown ups acting like children! Oh for Christ's sake, you missed! Now go pick that up and put it IN THE TRASH BUCKET!"
"I know you're 30 something years old, but dammit, you're my granddaughter and I'm very proud of you."
I miss you Grandpa. So much. Your passing has caused silence in the house. Christmas isn't the same without you. LIFE isn't the same without you. Someday I will see you again on the other side.
I love you.
In memory of Gerald Priebe 10/25/29 - 3/11/09 Always remembered, always loved.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Thoughts
Emotions.
They're everywhere.
Whether you like it or not, they happen.
There's just one thing to always remember.
That it will be ok.
And no matter what,
Above all else, remember the one most important thing....
You are never, ever alone.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Oh to be single again...
The last couple of months have been quite unnerving for me. I have walked a mile in the shoes of a married woman, and I am now walking the next mile in the shoes of a single mom.
I remember being single, but that was 16 years ago! Oh those were the days!!! I didn't care about anything. My roommate and I partied quite frequently. I had two or three jobs, depening on the week. I could get by on three hours' sleep. Rent got paid (barely), Ramen and beer was nearly the daily meal. I lived next door to a Vietnamese woman who I swear cooked cats. She was always cooking something that emitted an extremely repulsive odor - so repulisve even the hairs in your nose curled up. I suppose that was the price to pay for our loud rock music we loved to blast out on a nightly basis. Friends came and went, people were always at our apartment, sleeping on our couch. Boys called or paged me constantly. (Yes, I'm THAT old to have had a pager before cell phones were even popular!) My bedroom wasn't the most kept room, it was livable, but I honestly don't remember seeing my floor much. My biggest worry was if I had enough quarters to feed the washing machine so I could have clean clothes. If I actually had enough for the dryer, it was a good day!
And now, not so much. I have a hard time staying awake after having only 6 hours of sleep the night before. My biggest worry is the safey of my children. I have men calling and texting me all hours of the day and night, begging me for a date. I dread the dating scene. I really do! I'm not made for this single life I now live. You mean some where in the middle of checking homework, cooking dinner, house cleaning, paying bills I'm supposed to have a social life?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh right, I'm supposed to take time out for myself now. I forget how to do that. Oh you mean I can actually go hang out with my friends on a night I don't have my kids? Really? Seriously? ~ Pssst How do I DO that? ~ Let me get back to you after I send in my car payment....
I remember being single, but that was 16 years ago! Oh those were the days!!! I didn't care about anything. My roommate and I partied quite frequently. I had two or three jobs, depening on the week. I could get by on three hours' sleep. Rent got paid (barely), Ramen and beer was nearly the daily meal. I lived next door to a Vietnamese woman who I swear cooked cats. She was always cooking something that emitted an extremely repulsive odor - so repulisve even the hairs in your nose curled up. I suppose that was the price to pay for our loud rock music we loved to blast out on a nightly basis. Friends came and went, people were always at our apartment, sleeping on our couch. Boys called or paged me constantly. (Yes, I'm THAT old to have had a pager before cell phones were even popular!) My bedroom wasn't the most kept room, it was livable, but I honestly don't remember seeing my floor much. My biggest worry was if I had enough quarters to feed the washing machine so I could have clean clothes. If I actually had enough for the dryer, it was a good day!
And now, not so much. I have a hard time staying awake after having only 6 hours of sleep the night before. My biggest worry is the safey of my children. I have men calling and texting me all hours of the day and night, begging me for a date. I dread the dating scene. I really do! I'm not made for this single life I now live. You mean some where in the middle of checking homework, cooking dinner, house cleaning, paying bills I'm supposed to have a social life?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh right, I'm supposed to take time out for myself now. I forget how to do that. Oh you mean I can actually go hang out with my friends on a night I don't have my kids? Really? Seriously? ~ Pssst How do I DO that? ~ Let me get back to you after I send in my car payment....
Monday, March 8, 2010
First Date - Part One
Your stomach feels like it is in knots. You stand nearly naked in front of your closet. With anxiety, you try to select that perfect outfit. You throw on a pair of jeans - you shout to your body "Why, today of all DAYS, do you have to be bloated??" Sucking that gut in as much as it will suck in, you snap the button. To your horror, they're a little too tight for THIS night. They join the heap of clothes that have already been attempted 4 times prior. The next pair are too baggy. You're feeling a little like Goldilocks who just wants a little porridge. You beg the last pair to fit JUST right, "Please, that's all I ask. I promise to use a little extra Downy the next time I wash you." With relief, they fit every curve of your legs just as you want. You turn to inspect your butt, and there it is - looking gloriously tempting. The evil smirk slowly crosses your face, then quickly escapes as you realize you're only half way there.
The first shirt makes your chin look like it's trying to jump off your face. The 2nd shirt apparently became the dryer's latest victim because you're sure you finished growing years ago. This time Goldilocks just wants a nice chair to sit in. Finally, the last shirt fits just right. You're sure your date won't stare too long at your cleavage tonight. Or so you hope...
Now on for the next challenge - the hair. With horror, you look in the mirror and realize it is completely unacceptable. Armed with a brush, curling iron, and hairspray, you begin your piece of art. As luck would have it, the curls are just too curly. Out comes the flat iron to flatten them down. You stand back and inspect...is looks good. You give your head a shake to make sure everything stays in place. *zoink!* Much to your horror, a strand of gray hair stands straight up. With a pluck, it's gone. *zoink!* Another gray hair makes it's appearance. After a few more plucks, you give up and hope he doesn't pay too much attention to them. Walking out of the bathroom feeling a little like a character out of a Dr. Seuss story, you try to forget how many gray hairs dance atop your head. Making a mental note to make an appointment at the salon the next chance you get, you head for your shoes. After trying on 5 pairs of shoes, you finally select the pair that seal your look.
Dispite your battles, you find you are 20 minutes too early for his arrival. Now you try to figure out how to not appear so anxious upon his arrival. Should you watch a TV show? No, nothing interesting is on. Plus, you don't want to miss hearing the doorbell. Your stomach growls, so you head to the kitchen. Wait, he's taking you to dinner...you sure don't want to be too full! How rude would it be to not eat everything when he's paying the tab!! You pick up a book and sit at the couch which sits next to the door. Well that wouldn't be a good idea, if he should happen to see you through the window, he'll see that you're waiting for him, and well - you just can't have that!! Your final decision finds you in the bathroom fighting those stupid gray hairs again. After the 6th plug, as you fight away the feeling that maybe you're just too old for this anymore, the doorbell rings.
You freeze. *gasp* He's here. You stare at your image that seems to be telling you to "hurry up and answer the damn door or he's going to go away and you just lost your chance at what could possibly be the best night of your life." Your feet seem to respond and you quickly, while trying not to run, get to the door. Forget trying not to look too anxious, you are and you know there's no point in trying to hide it. The door seems to open before you even get the chance to touch it.
There he is. Oh God. Your date. The jitters really go crazy at this point. You try to smile in a calm manner and be sure to compliment something. You look; his shirt looks good, his hair looks good, his pants look great on him - lovely, this man is flawless. "You look great!" as you smile and grab your purse.
The night begins.
The first shirt makes your chin look like it's trying to jump off your face. The 2nd shirt apparently became the dryer's latest victim because you're sure you finished growing years ago. This time Goldilocks just wants a nice chair to sit in. Finally, the last shirt fits just right. You're sure your date won't stare too long at your cleavage tonight. Or so you hope...
Now on for the next challenge - the hair. With horror, you look in the mirror and realize it is completely unacceptable. Armed with a brush, curling iron, and hairspray, you begin your piece of art. As luck would have it, the curls are just too curly. Out comes the flat iron to flatten them down. You stand back and inspect...is looks good. You give your head a shake to make sure everything stays in place. *zoink!* Much to your horror, a strand of gray hair stands straight up. With a pluck, it's gone. *zoink!* Another gray hair makes it's appearance. After a few more plucks, you give up and hope he doesn't pay too much attention to them. Walking out of the bathroom feeling a little like a character out of a Dr. Seuss story, you try to forget how many gray hairs dance atop your head. Making a mental note to make an appointment at the salon the next chance you get, you head for your shoes. After trying on 5 pairs of shoes, you finally select the pair that seal your look.
Dispite your battles, you find you are 20 minutes too early for his arrival. Now you try to figure out how to not appear so anxious upon his arrival. Should you watch a TV show? No, nothing interesting is on. Plus, you don't want to miss hearing the doorbell. Your stomach growls, so you head to the kitchen. Wait, he's taking you to dinner...you sure don't want to be too full! How rude would it be to not eat everything when he's paying the tab!! You pick up a book and sit at the couch which sits next to the door. Well that wouldn't be a good idea, if he should happen to see you through the window, he'll see that you're waiting for him, and well - you just can't have that!! Your final decision finds you in the bathroom fighting those stupid gray hairs again. After the 6th plug, as you fight away the feeling that maybe you're just too old for this anymore, the doorbell rings.
You freeze. *gasp* He's here. You stare at your image that seems to be telling you to "hurry up and answer the damn door or he's going to go away and you just lost your chance at what could possibly be the best night of your life." Your feet seem to respond and you quickly, while trying not to run, get to the door. Forget trying not to look too anxious, you are and you know there's no point in trying to hide it. The door seems to open before you even get the chance to touch it.
There he is. Oh God. Your date. The jitters really go crazy at this point. You try to smile in a calm manner and be sure to compliment something. You look; his shirt looks good, his hair looks good, his pants look great on him - lovely, this man is flawless. "You look great!" as you smile and grab your purse.
The night begins.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Awake
The spirit that lay slumber inside the deep forest of the woods begins to stir. She blinks her eyes, rubs them open a little more. As she peers through the darkness, she can see a speck of light beyond the trees. With curiousity, she moves closer to the light, a warmth begins to move through her veins. Each step is taken cautiously; the fear of danger looms inside. Each foot tip toes forward, one in front of the other, slowly. The closer she moves to the light, the bigger it gets. Her smile creeps across her face, her heart starts to pound with excitment. There is a sense of familiarity, but a sense of something completely new. Feeling courageous, she begins to sprint forward, eager for the new adventure. She can only hope that this new discovery will only bring her nothing but good things.
Monday, February 22, 2010
One step at a time
My entire kingdom is now in the basement of my grandmother's house. Our world is so small, yet I feel glorious. I feel triumphant. As each day passes, I move another step forward. Although it is cold and snowing outside, I feel warm with hope. My children have smiles on their faces once again. I can smile and know that everything is ok. Each day, I accomplish a new goal. Each day brings a new beginning. Each day is a step closer to my future.
I'm not focusing on romance or relationships. I'm focusing on surrounding myself with the people that make me feel happy. My friends and family have provided so much love and support, they have helped me understand that I have done the right thing.
There are pieces of me that need to be put back together again. As each piece is glued back on, I become stronger. Each relationship I have been in has taught me who I am as a person, and what I want in my life partner. I surely know what I don't want! I don't want another broken heart.
I'm not focusing on romance or relationships. I'm focusing on surrounding myself with the people that make me feel happy. My friends and family have provided so much love and support, they have helped me understand that I have done the right thing.
There are pieces of me that need to be put back together again. As each piece is glued back on, I become stronger. Each relationship I have been in has taught me who I am as a person, and what I want in my life partner. I surely know what I don't want! I don't want another broken heart.
Friday, February 5, 2010
A kingdom turned upside down
The kingdom no longer has its king or princess. I'm sad. It's tearing me up. I don't regret doing what I had to do. I had to do it for my Prince, Jester, and Knight. I had to do it in order to get pieces of me back. I am reclaiming my court. I am fixing my castle. Brick by brick, it will come back together again. And by golly, if I have to do it alone, I will.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Life's Simple Pleasures
This last week has been a new life for me. Some of you know that I have been deaf since my early toddler years. I have been fortunate enough to be able to wear hearing aids so I could still function in society. I was raised to not allow my impairment to slow me down. I took many years of speech therapy in order to learn how to communicate. I am constantly praised for my ability to talk and listen without anyone guessing I have any problems hearing. I love the shocked reaction I get from my friends, "I had NO idea!"
Would you believe I only hear HALF of what you say? I couldn't hear the s, f, p, t, sh, ch, h, v sounds of our language. I could see what you're saying by reading your lips. I could say those sounds because I was trained to say them.
Until now.
Do you notice all the sounds of our world? I never knew what I wasn't hearing, because...well....I couldn't hear them. You don't know what you're missing, until you know what's there to miss. I never knew what a bird sounded like.
Until now.
My children could get away with so much. They actually have taken my deafness for their own advantage.
Until now!
My wonderful, fabulous grandmother has gifted me with a new set of hearing aids. These hearing aids have opened up a door to a whole new world I never knew existed. Those who live with me have been learning what they have been taking for granted.
Birds.
Wow. What absolutely incredible creatures they are. I have never heard a sparrow before in my life. A tree was full of them. I stopped to listen to them. I lived for a moment in noise. I embraced the moment I was living.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I can actualy hear each second that passes me by. I can hear my car announce to the world that I am about to make a turn.
"Vvvvvrooom" is the sound I hear as a car passes me by.
"Crunch" is the sound I hear when you chomp on a chip.
On several occassions, I have participated in a conversation about our 5 senses. It is often that we wonder which of our 5 senses we think we can live without. When the question comes to me, I'm asked what it's like to actually live with out one of them. I always say that out of all 5 senses, I'm glad my hearing was taken from me. It can be repaired. The loss of sight is difficult to repair. I like to see the many great colors of our planet. You sure can't replace touch. I love the feeling of my babes' soft hair as I run my fingers through it. You absolutely can't replace the sense of taste. I don't think I could survive long without the flavor of chocolate. While smell can sometimes be repulsive, I'll always appreciate the smell of a lilac bush.
Have you ever stopped to enjoy life's simple pleasures? Try to do it at least once a day. Just stop and live. Or listen. While the sound may be so annoying, be glad you have the ability to hear that sound.
Would you believe I only hear HALF of what you say? I couldn't hear the s, f, p, t, sh, ch, h, v sounds of our language. I could see what you're saying by reading your lips. I could say those sounds because I was trained to say them.
Until now.
Do you notice all the sounds of our world? I never knew what I wasn't hearing, because...well....I couldn't hear them. You don't know what you're missing, until you know what's there to miss. I never knew what a bird sounded like.
Until now.
My children could get away with so much. They actually have taken my deafness for their own advantage.
Until now!
My wonderful, fabulous grandmother has gifted me with a new set of hearing aids. These hearing aids have opened up a door to a whole new world I never knew existed. Those who live with me have been learning what they have been taking for granted.
Birds.
Wow. What absolutely incredible creatures they are. I have never heard a sparrow before in my life. A tree was full of them. I stopped to listen to them. I lived for a moment in noise. I embraced the moment I was living.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I can actualy hear each second that passes me by. I can hear my car announce to the world that I am about to make a turn.
"Vvvvvrooom" is the sound I hear as a car passes me by.
"Crunch" is the sound I hear when you chomp on a chip.
On several occassions, I have participated in a conversation about our 5 senses. It is often that we wonder which of our 5 senses we think we can live without. When the question comes to me, I'm asked what it's like to actually live with out one of them. I always say that out of all 5 senses, I'm glad my hearing was taken from me. It can be repaired. The loss of sight is difficult to repair. I like to see the many great colors of our planet. You sure can't replace touch. I love the feeling of my babes' soft hair as I run my fingers through it. You absolutely can't replace the sense of taste. I don't think I could survive long without the flavor of chocolate. While smell can sometimes be repulsive, I'll always appreciate the smell of a lilac bush.
Have you ever stopped to enjoy life's simple pleasures? Try to do it at least once a day. Just stop and live. Or listen. While the sound may be so annoying, be glad you have the ability to hear that sound.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I feel bad for my daycare provider...
Because she has to deal with this guy
on a daily basis.
We all love that face. It's his mouth that keeps us all entertained. His provider has shared numerous stories. The one I am about to share with you has me a little worried about his future.
Provider: Kids, I'd like you to meet Ashton.
My son: You mean we get to say a bad word now?
Provider: No, Dylan, it's ASHSHSHSHSHSHSH-ton.
He was saying...well, you know...the name without the h in "ash."
Apparently she's working with the kids to say the poor new boy's name. And my son nearly got excited that he'd get away with saying a bad word now.
*sigh*
No worries, my Prince. I still love you. Remember that when I start washing your mouth out with soap.
on a daily basis.
We all love that face. It's his mouth that keeps us all entertained. His provider has shared numerous stories. The one I am about to share with you has me a little worried about his future.
Provider: Kids, I'd like you to meet Ashton.
My son: You mean we get to say a bad word now?
Provider: No, Dylan, it's ASHSHSHSHSHSHSH-ton.
He was saying...well, you know...the name without the h in "ash."
Apparently she's working with the kids to say the poor new boy's name. And my son nearly got excited that he'd get away with saying a bad word now.
*sigh*
No worries, my Prince. I still love you. Remember that when I start washing your mouth out with soap.
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