As of December 1, 2009, I have not been smoking. I quit the nasty habit, and it has been quite the ride! I had every intention of writing this blog when I started, but my struggles caused me to divert my plan. Rather than typing, I was grabbing whatever I could to put into my mouth. Even small children and puppies weren't safe in my path. I kid, really...maybe. Well ok, the worst they would have gotten was a nasty dirty look from me. Maybe.
Ok, back on track. My quit has been a surreal experience. Prior to my quit date, I had to educate myself. I wanted to know what the healing process was. I wanted to know what methods were available. I needed to know that I could quit. So I called the Colorado Quit Line and they sent me two boxes of patches.
The night of November 30th, I slapped on the patch and went to bed. I couldn't sleep the whole night. My mind was throwing a fit - my body wanted a smoke. My mind was screaming, "Are you kidding yourself?? You can't quit!!" My alarm finally interrupted my sleep-less night. I usually would go outside as soon as I relieved my impatient bladder. That morning was the first time in years that I didn't follow ritual. Instead, I turned on the shower. The water was a tad hotter than usual, but it felt good. I proceeded to get ready for work, and walked out the door. I didn't have any kids that morning, which is probably a good thing. As soon as I got into my car and turned over the ignition, the demon came flying at me. I craved. HARD. I wanted that smoke more than anything. I nearly started crying. I looked at my iPod and said "SAVE ME." I found my playlist of favorite songs, cranked it up as high as the volume would go. I sang as I drove. It didn't matter to me if anyone saw me. It didn't matter if anyone thought I was losing my mind. It didn't matter if I couldn't even match the tones. I wasn't going to smoke. Period.
My biggest fear was how the day at the office would go. Smoking was allowed. I knew I was going to have to fight my cravings while smelling the smoke all day. Armed with my sunflower seeds and water, I braved on. I announced my quit as soon as I walked in the door. Immediately everyone laughed. Would you believe they started a pool? "How long will it take before Angie starts smoking again?" That was all the motivation I needed. You see, I've always been the rebellious sort. Tell me I can't do something - you better sit down because I'm going to do everything to prove you wrong.
Fast forward 17 days later. STILL QUIT. I never had one slip. I finally convinced the boss to kick the smokers outside because...well, it's illegal. Big victory for me! Now I am completely smoke free. I had to add Wellbutrin to my methods, only to make the emotional outbursts milder. My poor King - I thought for sure he would have buried me six feet under by now. However, he has been my partner in all this. He quit as well. We had a few spats here and there, but in the end, we always apologized, hugged, and battled on.
Please don't be fooled. My quit isn't over yet. I still have some time to go before I'm completely past all this. I still get a craving now and then. But the cravings only happen once a day. When I visited my doctor, she actually told me that in 10 years, I will have decreased my chances of getting cancer by slim to none. How amazing are our bodies?? In half the time I smoked, my lungs will heal. My body is already going through a healing process. I have a cough at the moment, but it's cleaning out my lungs. I spit out this horrible gunk of brown mucus. The doctor said, "That's the tar." Oh my god. I can't believe I actually put that crap in my lungs!! How could I do that to myself??? I like to consider myself to be a rather health concious person. But if you really think about it, I was a living example of an oxymoron. "I like to take vitamins because they make me healthy. Hang on while I add more chemicals and toxins into my body." MORON!
And now that I have actually quit, I can get myself on a good health plan. I am going to do a complete physical. My doctor and I are going to create a life plan that will help me continue to strive for a long and healthy life.
I will end this for today. I am very happy to report that all is better than ever!
(And for those that are waiting for the introductions of the rest of my court, I will resume that very soon!)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Battles
Battle One
I will explain my no smoking sign I posted on Wordless Wednesday - I have quit smoking!!! YAY!! Today is Day 4, and I'm feeling rather victoriously challenged. Ha, I know, what a weird way to combine those words. I am proud that I have quit. I am proud that I will live a longer and healthier life. I know I am doing this for the right reasons - I can give you 5 of them right off the top of my head: My King, My Knight, My Princess, My Court Jester, and My Prince. Each day seems easier, however more challenging. It feels like the monster is growing every day, but he doesn't come knocking as much as he did on Day 1. My King has also quit with me, also! His method of quit was with Welbutrin - which is an anti-depressant drug. My method is the patch. However, neither of us are sleeping very well. However, we are treating each other very nicely, and haven't snapped at each other at all. I will continue to celebrate each day of my new health with some kind of positive healthy reward. I have to confess though - the only thing on my mind right now is a large slice of chocolate cake with warm hot fudge oozing on it. YUM!
Battle Two
And tonight - we shall battle the Christmas tree again.
Battle Three
Small Budget. Holidays. Enough said.
Battle Four
Keeping my inner self strong and faithful in the powers that be.
I will explain my no smoking sign I posted on Wordless Wednesday - I have quit smoking!!! YAY!! Today is Day 4, and I'm feeling rather victoriously challenged. Ha, I know, what a weird way to combine those words. I am proud that I have quit. I am proud that I will live a longer and healthier life. I know I am doing this for the right reasons - I can give you 5 of them right off the top of my head: My King, My Knight, My Princess, My Court Jester, and My Prince. Each day seems easier, however more challenging. It feels like the monster is growing every day, but he doesn't come knocking as much as he did on Day 1. My King has also quit with me, also! His method of quit was with Welbutrin - which is an anti-depressant drug. My method is the patch. However, neither of us are sleeping very well. However, we are treating each other very nicely, and haven't snapped at each other at all. I will continue to celebrate each day of my new health with some kind of positive healthy reward. I have to confess though - the only thing on my mind right now is a large slice of chocolate cake with warm hot fudge oozing on it. YUM!
Battle Two
And tonight - we shall battle the Christmas tree again.
Battle Three
Small Budget. Holidays. Enough said.
Battle Four
Keeping my inner self strong and faithful in the powers that be.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
More words from the Wise Prince
Normally I try to only post one blog per day - but this day I have to post two, only to share the wise words from My Prince, who is 4 years old.
Last night we were sitting in the living room, just having our "mommy & me" moment. Out of the blue, he said, "Mama, I want a baby sister for Christmas."
*choke*
"Um sweeite, mama's not having anymore babies," I replied, then added the thought that mama told the doctor to make sure she's not capable of breeding anymore.
"But mama, I wanna be a big brother like my big brothers!" Aw. What a cute kid.
"Well honey, you can go talk to Daddy about that," I answered, with a chuckle as I pictured my ex-husband's face in reponse to his son's request.
"MAMA! Babies don't go into the daddy's tummy! They only go into the mommy's tummy! You hafta give me a baby sister!"
*choke*
Since when did my kid get so smart?? Luckily, he became distracted when I fixed his Transformer and the thoughts of having a baby sister suddenly vanished from his mind. *whew* I'll forever be grateful to Optimus Prime for saving me from THAT conversation.
Last night we were sitting in the living room, just having our "mommy & me" moment. Out of the blue, he said, "Mama, I want a baby sister for Christmas."
*choke*
"Um sweeite, mama's not having anymore babies," I replied, then added the thought that mama told the doctor to make sure she's not capable of breeding anymore.
"But mama, I wanna be a big brother like my big brothers!" Aw. What a cute kid.
"Well honey, you can go talk to Daddy about that," I answered, with a chuckle as I pictured my ex-husband's face in reponse to his son's request.
"MAMA! Babies don't go into the daddy's tummy! They only go into the mommy's tummy! You hafta give me a baby sister!"
*choke*
Since when did my kid get so smart?? Luckily, he became distracted when I fixed his Transformer and the thoughts of having a baby sister suddenly vanished from his mind. *whew* I'll forever be grateful to Optimus Prime for saving me from THAT conversation.
Another "Not Me" Monday!
I must follow tradiation today, and post another "Not Me" post on this fine Monday afternoon. For those who don't know the history of it, here's MckMama's site. She's another blogger who's fun to follow!
4 days ago, my family hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I did NOT spend 6 days cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning, sanitzing, cleaning my house just for 3 guests. And these 3 guests don't care if there's dust on the mantle or hair under the couch. The are the best family to have around, but as many of you know - it still matters to you the most. I did NOT set the table with formal China that included a big plate, a small plate, a smaller plate, and a bowl. I did NOT place TWO forks carefuly next to the plates only to create confusion amongst my children. A small evil laughter did NOT quietly escape my throat as I heard them exlaim "MOM! Why are there TWO forks?" And my witty 4 year old did NOT answer with "So you can hold one in each hand!" And as he said that, he did NOT proudly display his example. I just can't get anything past that kid.
And said dishes are NOT still sitting in my dishwasher. I DON'T feel lazy after cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning my house for a week. And of course, the kitchen sink is NOT full of dirty dishes used since Thanksgiving. Ew. Time to step up to the plate, lady!
As tradition would have it, we were to set up the Christmas decorations the Friday after Thanksgiving. All 4 children in tow, shouts of excitement, calling dibs for who gets to put the star on the tree was NOT the scenery of the event. My oldest helped me assemble the pre-lit tree which I did NOT buy 3 years ago only because I was sick and tired of cleaning up pine needles long into the summer months. We plugged away plugging in plugs until the last one was plugged into the wall. My youngest clicked the button on - and lo' and behold - in all seriousness - half the tree did NOT light up. I scratched my head, my kids "aw'd" and my King did NOT chuckle under his breath as he did NOT sit back and watch. All 5 of us (keep in mind, the King proceeded NOT to watch from afar) were under the tree trying to find the reason for half the tree to be dark. Then I did not hear "Uh-oh" come from the mouth of my oldest. I looked, and I did NOT curse all non-G-rated words in my head as I saw the uh-oh. A chewed wire. The tree had been previously stored in a shed that squirrels had also occupied. Apparently they got a little hungry, and felt the need to chew through the wire. In frustration, we proceeded to unstrand the lights that weren't working. I did NOT curse more when I found we had NOT unstranded a perfectly good strand of lit lights. I did NOT give up and tell the children we'll decorate next weekend.
*sigh* I do NOT hate, dispise, hate, dispise squirrels!
I hope everyone had a great holiday!
4 days ago, my family hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I did NOT spend 6 days cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning, sanitzing, cleaning my house just for 3 guests. And these 3 guests don't care if there's dust on the mantle or hair under the couch. The are the best family to have around, but as many of you know - it still matters to you the most. I did NOT set the table with formal China that included a big plate, a small plate, a smaller plate, and a bowl. I did NOT place TWO forks carefuly next to the plates only to create confusion amongst my children. A small evil laughter did NOT quietly escape my throat as I heard them exlaim "MOM! Why are there TWO forks?" And my witty 4 year old did NOT answer with "So you can hold one in each hand!" And as he said that, he did NOT proudly display his example. I just can't get anything past that kid.
And said dishes are NOT still sitting in my dishwasher. I DON'T feel lazy after cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning, sanitizing, cleaning my house for a week. And of course, the kitchen sink is NOT full of dirty dishes used since Thanksgiving. Ew. Time to step up to the plate, lady!
As tradition would have it, we were to set up the Christmas decorations the Friday after Thanksgiving. All 4 children in tow, shouts of excitement, calling dibs for who gets to put the star on the tree was NOT the scenery of the event. My oldest helped me assemble the pre-lit tree which I did NOT buy 3 years ago only because I was sick and tired of cleaning up pine needles long into the summer months. We plugged away plugging in plugs until the last one was plugged into the wall. My youngest clicked the button on - and lo' and behold - in all seriousness - half the tree did NOT light up. I scratched my head, my kids "aw'd" and my King did NOT chuckle under his breath as he did NOT sit back and watch. All 5 of us (keep in mind, the King proceeded NOT to watch from afar) were under the tree trying to find the reason for half the tree to be dark. Then I did not hear "Uh-oh" come from the mouth of my oldest. I looked, and I did NOT curse all non-G-rated words in my head as I saw the uh-oh. A chewed wire. The tree had been previously stored in a shed that squirrels had also occupied. Apparently they got a little hungry, and felt the need to chew through the wire. In frustration, we proceeded to unstrand the lights that weren't working. I did NOT curse more when I found we had NOT unstranded a perfectly good strand of lit lights. I did NOT give up and tell the children we'll decorate next weekend.
*sigh* I do NOT hate, dispise, hate, dispise squirrels!
I hope everyone had a great holiday!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The words of the Prince
We all know the little ones have something good to say now and then. Here is a sample:
As we arrive at the daycare, he crosses his arms across his chest, gives me a really mad face and says, "Mama, what have you done to me??"
I pause, turn to look at him and say "What honey?"
"Mama! What have you DONE to me???"
"I'm sorry D, I don't know why you're so angry with me. What did I do?"
"You BROUGHT me to school! I SAID I don't want to be at school today! Why aren't you listening to me?"
How in the world do you hold in your laughter when your child is actually, without a doubt, angry with you?
As we arrive at the daycare, he crosses his arms across his chest, gives me a really mad face and says, "Mama, what have you done to me??"
I pause, turn to look at him and say "What honey?"
"Mama! What have you DONE to me???"
"I'm sorry D, I don't know why you're so angry with me. What did I do?"
"You BROUGHT me to school! I SAID I don't want to be at school today! Why aren't you listening to me?"
How in the world do you hold in your laughter when your child is actually, without a doubt, angry with you?
Another day passes by...
We are all victims of routine. We wake up after multiple attempts at killing the alarm clock. We slowly drag our feet to relieve the pressure from the ever-so-impatient bladder. Some of you are coffee drinkers, so you'll set your coffee maker, which never seems to brew fast enough. We'll take our showers, we'll stand in the closet hoping the best outfit ever will just jump right off the hangars and magically dress our bodies. We'll look in the mirror at the person looking back at us. Some will groan at the new wrinkle, others will look for that grey hair that wants to hide. As the transformation from morning beast to daytime beauty takes place, thoughts run through our minds - thoughts of the day previous, thoughts of the day's plans, thoughts of tomorrow. Stress builds as we realize we're running out of time and the kids must get up. Chaos soon rules the house with kids asking "Where's my shirt, Mom?" or "Ew, the milk is bad." or "I'm supposed to be at school 15 minutes early today!" We each perform what seems to be the Irish step dance scene out of Lord of the Dance; each of us stepping and dancing around one another, leaning over small children to kiss our lover goodbye, gracefully avoiding the dog that insists on being underfoot while making lunches, leaping over the basket of laundry that awaits folding - you know what I'm talking about, don't you?
The music dies as we all run out the door leaving the house in silence. Children are dropped at their school or daycare, mommies and daddies fight The Battle of Autos, inching their way to work. After slowly crawling through the ocean of exhaust, we arrive at work where we change from our Super Parent costume to Super Worker. There, we become The Employee. We are no longer Mom, or Dad, or Wife, or Husband. We push through 8 hours of whatever it is that we do - earning that dollar. Our eyes glance at the clock, anxiously awaiting the hour to return home to our families.
The transition from Employee back to Mom, or Dad, or Wife, or Husband, occurs during the rushing crawl back to our homes. Some of us ponder what will be prepared for dinner. Others ponder what TV show will be watched that evening. Each member of the family arrive back at the home; children are doing homework, dinner is prepped, the King and Queen discuss their happenings of the day at work.
At the end of the day, as we lie our heads into the pillow, we think about how great it will be...to do it all over again tomorrow. Another day has just passed us by.
The music dies as we all run out the door leaving the house in silence. Children are dropped at their school or daycare, mommies and daddies fight The Battle of Autos, inching their way to work. After slowly crawling through the ocean of exhaust, we arrive at work where we change from our Super Parent costume to Super Worker. There, we become The Employee. We are no longer Mom, or Dad, or Wife, or Husband. We push through 8 hours of whatever it is that we do - earning that dollar. Our eyes glance at the clock, anxiously awaiting the hour to return home to our families.
The transition from Employee back to Mom, or Dad, or Wife, or Husband, occurs during the rushing crawl back to our homes. Some of us ponder what will be prepared for dinner. Others ponder what TV show will be watched that evening. Each member of the family arrive back at the home; children are doing homework, dinner is prepped, the King and Queen discuss their happenings of the day at work.
At the end of the day, as we lie our heads into the pillow, we think about how great it will be...to do it all over again tomorrow. Another day has just passed us by.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Knight
This is My Knight.
He doesn't realize it yet, but he is the reason I am alive today.
He doesn't know it yet, but he is the reason I live my life to the fullest.
He is smart.
He is talented.
He is gifted.
He is funny.
He is my hero.
He is My Knight.
He is 13.
He's still my baby.
He doesn't realize it yet, but he is the reason I am alive today.
He doesn't know it yet, but he is the reason I live my life to the fullest.
He is smart.
He is talented.
He is gifted.
He is funny.
He is my hero.
He is My Knight.
He is 13.
He's still my baby.
Monday, November 16, 2009
My first "NOT-Me Monday"!
A fellow blogger, MckMama, has started a weekly tradition for parents who are allowed to make a confession by stating "Not Me!" So I shall now follow suit and NOT confess to any of the following:
I did NOT stay up late last night to post my first blog just so I could post my first "Not Me" blog!
I most certainly did NOT wash a chemille blanket in the washing machine. This did NOT result in a spider web of threads and a nighmare of chemille fuzz stuck in the trap of the drain. I am NOT on my 10th load of laundry still cleaning out chemille. My king did NOT spend his day off from work NOT cleaning said washing machine. He then did NOT slice his fingers with the sheet metal inside the washing machine NOT trying to clean up the mess I had made. We did NOT think about the possibility of needing to run to the urgent care center when the blood continued to flow excessively like a stuck pig. Luckily, the bleeding stopped. And the King is absolutely NOT giving his Queen a hard time about all this.
I am definitely NOT spending my first hour at work posting this blog. I would rather NOT be at home cuddled in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands and my Little Prince cuddled up in my lap. Nope - NOT ME!!!
I did NOT stay up late last night to post my first blog just so I could post my first "Not Me" blog!
I most certainly did NOT wash a chemille blanket in the washing machine. This did NOT result in a spider web of threads and a nighmare of chemille fuzz stuck in the trap of the drain. I am NOT on my 10th load of laundry still cleaning out chemille. My king did NOT spend his day off from work NOT cleaning said washing machine. He then did NOT slice his fingers with the sheet metal inside the washing machine NOT trying to clean up the mess I had made. We did NOT think about the possibility of needing to run to the urgent care center when the blood continued to flow excessively like a stuck pig. Luckily, the bleeding stopped. And the King is absolutely NOT giving his Queen a hard time about all this.
I am definitely NOT spending my first hour at work posting this blog. I would rather NOT be at home cuddled in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands and my Little Prince cuddled up in my lap. Nope - NOT ME!!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
My first blog...EVER
~ Popping my blogging cherry ~
This is my absolute very first blog ever. After following my other friends' blogs, I decided it is time to allow my hidden talent flow through my fingers and onto the screen. As I pound away key by key, I will share the life in the day of my family. Some of you may re-read that a few times to see if I actually said that correctly. Yes...that's the life in the day...my philosophy is that each day shall be lived to its fullest. So each day is a life worth living. I will share the laughs and tears, the joys and the sorrows, the changes and repeats as often as I can. I don't promise a daily entry at this time - but I do promise to keep you, my dear friends and family, updated.
And to my friend Cindy Loo Hoo, if I don't figure out all the fancy stuff soon, I'll be visiting you shortly.
2009 is quickly coming to a close. It has been an interesting roller coaster ride! But I must say, I am a woman who has lived. And I shall continue on living, no matter what triumphs and trials I may come across. And believe me, there's a lot in store for 2010. I actually cannot predict what it will be, or what will happen, but I can tell you that no matter what, I will be counting my blessings.
I have made some changes in life, that's without a doubt. Happiness became my #1 priority. And not just MY happiness, but the happiness of my three boys. My family quickly changed this year, and now I am a member of 6 - wait....SIX??? Who would have ever thought I'd be living in a house with 5 other people. Oh but I sure wouldn't change it for the world! I will introduce each member throughout the week as I learn how to post pictures. The trick will be getting those pictures off of my camera and into this little box they call a "computer."
The minutes quickly approach midnight. I will continue my introductions, and look forward to sharing each day with you.
And in advance, I thank you for your patience while I learn the technical side of "blogging."
The sun has already set on this day, but it will rise again tomorrow. I look forward to whatever adventures life may bring us.
Until then, goodnight.
This is my absolute very first blog ever. After following my other friends' blogs, I decided it is time to allow my hidden talent flow through my fingers and onto the screen. As I pound away key by key, I will share the life in the day of my family. Some of you may re-read that a few times to see if I actually said that correctly. Yes...that's the life in the day...my philosophy is that each day shall be lived to its fullest. So each day is a life worth living. I will share the laughs and tears, the joys and the sorrows, the changes and repeats as often as I can. I don't promise a daily entry at this time - but I do promise to keep you, my dear friends and family, updated.
And to my friend Cindy Loo Hoo, if I don't figure out all the fancy stuff soon, I'll be visiting you shortly.
2009 is quickly coming to a close. It has been an interesting roller coaster ride! But I must say, I am a woman who has lived. And I shall continue on living, no matter what triumphs and trials I may come across. And believe me, there's a lot in store for 2010. I actually cannot predict what it will be, or what will happen, but I can tell you that no matter what, I will be counting my blessings.
I have made some changes in life, that's without a doubt. Happiness became my #1 priority. And not just MY happiness, but the happiness of my three boys. My family quickly changed this year, and now I am a member of 6 - wait....SIX??? Who would have ever thought I'd be living in a house with 5 other people. Oh but I sure wouldn't change it for the world! I will introduce each member throughout the week as I learn how to post pictures. The trick will be getting those pictures off of my camera and into this little box they call a "computer."
The minutes quickly approach midnight. I will continue my introductions, and look forward to sharing each day with you.
And in advance, I thank you for your patience while I learn the technical side of "blogging."
The sun has already set on this day, but it will rise again tomorrow. I look forward to whatever adventures life may bring us.
Until then, goodnight.
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