Waiting...Impatiently

In exactly one week from today, I will be on the back of Kenny's motorcycle, riding westbound to California.  I try not to sit here and pout about time taking too long to pass by. 

He's up in Iowa right now, visiting his family.  We both wish badly that I could be with him, meeting his family for the first time.  I have gotten to know one of his Korean sisters very well, and I wish so badly I could meet her and her family.  I wish I could sit in the same room with the Lindeen family and learn more about Ken and where he comes from.  I can't wait for the day to come that I get to meet them.

Things are work are...well....intense.  Everyone is anxiously waiting to see if the bad egg will finally leave, whether it is at his own dispense or our bosses.  Things have not been very pretty in the office.

Fourth of July is right around the corner!!!  Kenny and I are taking the boys to Bandimere Speedway to watch the jet car finals, followed by the fireworks.  I'm so very excited!!!  I just need to remember to pick up some ear plugs for Dylan, or his fingers are going to be permanently implanted in his ears.

So far, this has been the start of the best summer of my life.  But man!  It's getting tiring just waiting for all the wonderful things to happen!!!!  I just hope it's not a 30 second ride that finishes too quickly!

Watching a memory

We are all the audience of life.  We sit and watch our life perform on the greatest stage.  Your mind captures each memory as you watch them.  I sit here in the living room of Grandma's house, I am watching a memory.  I captured this memory with my camera.  I will always hang dear to this memory.  She is telling stories to Dylan of her life in Minnosta as a little girl.  Dylan is actually entertained, he's asking questions, and laughing at the silly grandma as she tells her stories.

I tear rolled down my cheek.  My grandma has been my best friend my whole life.  She has been my anchor.  I dread the day that will come when she joins Grandpa in the afterlife.  But I am living every day I can with her for as long as God choses to keep her here. 

I am watching a memory that is passing me by. 

Passions

What are your passions?  Have you ever stopped just to think about them?  What makes you feel connected to your inner self?  Is it when you bit into that fresh cold strawberry?  Or when you hear an old favorite song on the radio?  How about when you hear a child's good hearted giggle?  Do you like to pick up a pencil and draw a picture?  Or would you rather snap a photo with your trusty camera? 

Have you ever stopped for one minute to think about what makes your heart sing?  What have you done lately that puts a smile on your face?  What do you do to relax?  Where does your mind go when you think of your happy place?

Your passion can be anything you desire. 

I love to open up my laptop and just let my fingers dance across the keys.  I have always wanted to write on a professional level.  I could easily see myself being a journalist, or a novelist, or even get paid to blog.  Even my English professor is fond of my skills. 

That could be a passion, but it's not quite so.

Now, before you go and guess that I am passionate about Kenny - and you're not far from the truth - I must stop you before you go there.  But I will tell you that you're close.

I love being a mom.  Even on days like today when each one of my boys were testing my patience.  They are my babies, no matter how old they get.  I am proud of them, and will always be proud of them.

But that's not my passion.  However, yet again, you're close.

I am most passionate about my life.  I love living.  I love feeling alive.  The love that surrounds me keeps me going strong.  I am forever thankful for my family and friends.  I will forever be grateful for my boys, and for Ken.  I am eternally endowed to our God for giving me the chance to live this great life.

So...what are you passionate about?  What makes you feel alive?

Looking forward

The best part about today is that I can look forward.  And when I do, I can see light.  It hasn't always been like this, ever.  It's near impossible to find the right words that describe where I am at today, on an emotional level.  Ken and I have made plans for our future.  We're taking a vacation together in July.  We're moving in together in August.  We're going to be married some day. 

Married.

That's a word I never thought I'd say again.  After my second divorce, I was determined to never make the same mistake again.  Ever.

Then Kenny came into my life and changed that all around. 

It's not just about getting married and having a ring on my finger.  It's about spending the rest of my life with this man that loves me.  The amount of love he pours into my heart is incomprehensible.  He doesn't just tell me he loves me, he shows it.  And in the way he shows it is something I have never experienced before.  He looks out for me, and he looks out for my boys.  He's always thinking into every angle possible with whatever decisions need to be made.  He is affectionate, kind to others, caring for others, and has an incredible way of making people around him laugh.  No matter what kind of day I am having, I know I can count on him to make everything better.  

I love this man in ways I never dreamt of.  I ache to be with him when we are apart.  I feel complete when he is in the same room with me.  He has taught me how to be me.  He lets my spirit be free.  He makes me feel beautiful, inside and out.  I am proud of him. 

They say relationships are never easy.  But I have come to learn that relationships should not require a lot of work.  Being with Kenny has made everything simple.  We have just one rule - love each other in the best way we can.  There is a bond between us that is so strong.  Our passion for living is fulfilled when we are on the motorcycle together.  We are confident that we will be able to get through anything, no matter what life throws at us. 

We are surrounded by skeptics, which is to be expected due to our histories.  I have to say, though, that it is because of our histories that we feel confident in ourselves.  We sure did learn a lot from the mistakes we've made.  We have been in just about any scenario you can imagine, and believe me - we know what to look for as far as what we don't want in a relationship.  Ken has exceeded my expectations on all levels.  There isn't even "that one little thing" that bothers me.  I have nothing bad on this guy.  He has nothing bad on me.

I have found my perfect.  I have found my king.  I have found life. 

The Adventures of Dylan

Five years ago, I gave birth to an adorable little brown eyed boy.  He filled my life with laughter and wonder.  This past Sunday, he decided to give me a taste of fear.  My little boy wandered off on a little adventure which resulted in a very panicked mommy.

We had a big heat wave hit us this weekend, it was in the high 80's, low 90's, and none of us were feeling very well.  My boys and I don't handle heat at all, and poor Dylan was the worst of us all.  He was sick to his stomach, and was as cranky as an old man.  I finally got him to lie down with an ice pack and he drifted off to sleep.  Two hours passed, and it was time to take his brothers back to their dad.  Grandma and I agreed it was best to keep Dylan at home where he could stay cool and get his rest.  So the boys and I left.

I returned home less than an hour later to see Grandma sitting on the couch.  "Oh, I just came downstairs to wait for Dylan to wake up.  I haven't heard a peep out of him."  I looked over to the other couch and saw the now thawed out ice pack on my couch.  That was odd, he was downstairs in his bed with that, why was it on the couch?  I went down to see if he was playing, no lights were on.  "Hmm, maybe he went back to  bed."  I turned the lights on, and saw his bed had been abandoned.  My curiousity increased, I called out to him and there was no answer.  He'd always answer me when I called out to him.  I looked in the bathroom, rushed upstairs and checked every room in the house.  No Dylan.  Alarms began to ring in my head - my little boy was not anywhere in the house.  It had dawned on me that Dylan knew the older boys had gone next door to go swimming, maybe there was a chance he went there looking for us.  I quickly walked to the pool, nobody had seen him.  I continued to walk over to the playground at the park.  Still no Dylan.  Alarms turned to panic.  I was on the phone with Kenny who was trying to keep me calm.  The more people answered "no," the more panicked I became.  I turned hysterical.  My heart felt heavy, my mind was racing.  By this time, there were a handful of people who were helping me in my search.  Visions of Dylan being lost somewhere flashed through my mind.  All I could see was my little guy, scared out of his mind, calling for me.  I ran back to the house to see if Grandma had found him yet, all I got was another "no."  At that time, it was decided to call the police.  The one call I dreaded having to make.

"9-1-1...What's your emergency?"

"My son is missing.  He's gone.  I can't find him!!!"  I sobbed, grasping onto my phone in desperation.

"How old is he ma'am?"  the operator asked.

"He's five.  He has brown hair, brown eyes.  He's gone!!!!"  I cried.

She immediately dispatched for an officer to come to my address.  Then she said to me, "Ma'am, we're going to issue an Amber Alert.  I need all the information you can give me.  We will find him."

Amber Alert.  Oh.  My.  God.  Please.  No.  I sobbed harder.  My heart died.  My body was numb.  I had heard of other kids going missing, some are found, some are not.  Then I started thinking about what picture I was going to pick for them to use.  Visuals of my son on the news flashed through my mind.  My worst fear was staring at me in the face.  My Dylan.  Missing.  Lost.  Scared.  Alone. 

By this time, I was walking along Portland Avenue.  I ran across some of the other neighbors who were helping me, the answer was still "no."  I saw a man and two little boys walking up at the far end of our towhome complex.  The smallest boy reminded me of Dylan.  "That should be my boy."  As I continued giving details to the operator, I couldn't take my eyes off the little boy.  I wanted so badly for him to be my son.  The closer I got to them, the more he looked like Dylan.  I started to get angry at my eyes for deceiving me.  This boy was wearing a different shirt than the one Dylan wore to bed.  There was no way it could be him.  When we were about a block apart, that little boy did in fact become Dylan.

MY BOY!!!  I ran to him as fast as my sandalled feet could go.  One sandal felt like it was going to fall off, I didn't care.  I had to get to Dylan before he would disappear again.  As soon as he saw me, he ran to me, "Mommy!  Mommy!"  I cried harder, I couldn't believe my little boy was found!!!  I felt like I ran for miles, I felt like I couldn't get to him fast enough.  We finally met, and I grabbed him into a hug and we fell to the grass.  I told the operator I had my baby, he was ok and thanked her for helping.  She was just about to hit the button to release the Amber Alert.  The emergency was cancelled.  I didn't need them anymore.

I had my baby in my arms.  I sobbed, Dylan said, "It's ok mommy.  Meet Cody!"  I followed the direction his finger was pointed to, and found a boy just a little older than him, and saw a man standing next to him.  The man was sobbing, too.  He explained to me that he lived over in the neighborhood about a half mile around the corner, and had seen Dylan walking along the street.  The man and his son walked my boy back in the direction he came from, hoping he'd find something familiar.

In this dangerous world we live in, my son was in the arms of an angel who helped him find a kind stranger to guide his way back home.  I could not believe it.  Dylan wasn't scared, he wasn't crying.  The man said, "Your son is very brave.  And he loves you very much, it shows."  I thanked him for helping Dylan, and told him he was a good man.

Later that night, after a bath and bedtime lullaby, I watched my son as he slept.  I cried again.  I thanked God for blessing me with three wonderful boys, and thanked Him for bringing my son back home again.  I never want to live through that hour again as long as I live.  I pray that any other mother or father out there who has a missing child will be reuinted with their children again.  I pray that nobody will have to live their worst nightmare.  I pray that God will continue to carry my children in His hands.

Watch What You Read

Another essay I had to write.  I had fun doing this one!  This was based on Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels & Demons."  I truly enjoyed each book for their entertainment, but questioned a lot of what Brown indicated to be true. 

Watch What You Read

Critical thinking is imperative when considering facts while reading any type of literature, whether it is fact or fiction. Several books and movies have been written to prove or disprove the conspiracies behind secret organizations. One of the most controversial authors has been Dan Brown. He is the author of “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons.” “The Da Vinci Code” identifies an organization called “Priory of Sion,” while “Angels and Demons” identifies the Illuminati group. In both novels, Brown claims each organization is protecting secrets that could crumble the Christian and Catholic religions. Brown pointed out facts that would indicate such secrets by stating, “All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate” at the beginning of each book. Despite the fact that both novels are non-fiction, there were some written facts that have created quite the controversial uproar from religious experts and historians. They would argue that Brown’s “facts” were indeed not true.

Dan Brown wrote both novels based on a character named Robert Langdon. Langdon is a symbology professor at Harvard University. In “The Da Vinci Code,” he is on a quest to solve the mystery of his old friend, Jacques Sauniere, who was a curator of The Louvre in Paris, France. Following a bizarre twist of codes that were supposedly hidden in Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintings, Langdon finds an organization called “Priory of Sion” who was hiding a secret linked to the Holy Grail. It is argued that the “Priory of Sion” did not exist, but was instead a fraud created in the 1950’s by Pierre Plantard (Introvigne, ??). It was found that Plantard was charged and sentenced by the French government for creating the fraud (Smith, ??). Plantard claimed the truth of the organization was found in the “Les Dossiers Secrets”, which he wrote were actual documents indicating that the organization was real, and was led by famous historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin and Leonardo Da Vinci. Brown failed to note that these documents were admitted to being false by its creators (Introvigne, ??).

The prequel “Angels and Demons” introduces the Illuminati organization to Brown’s readers. Once again, Professor Langdon gets involved in yet, another, bizarre twist of clues through symbolism. He saves the world from a terrorist who threatens the Vatican City with an anti-matter bomb. This time, Brown was more accurate in his claims that the organization exists. However, he still twisted some false information in the truth. He wrote that the Illuminati organization was focused on infiltrating the Freemasons and the government in order to become more powerful and gain control. In the book, it was their mission to destroy the Catholic Church by revealing the truth regarding Jesus’ bloodline. The actual truth behind the Illuminati organization is merely that it was organized for the simple act of surviving the depths of politics and religion, or in other words, a secret alliance. (Dice, 2009) It was created by a German man named Adam Weishaupt in the late 1700’s whose goal was to”… secretly infiltrate key positions of power in politics, morally corrupt society, and ultimately abolish Christianity” (Dice, 2009). While some of what Brown wrote in his book may be more accurate than that of “The Da Vinci Code,” it was still very farfetched from the truth.

When reading any book associated with conspiracy theories, it is imperative to remember the facts behind the fiction. Non-fiction novels are written purely for entertainment. However, don’t always believe what you read just because the author might say it is true. Without hard supporting evidence, one should remain critical of the information they receive.

References

Dice, M. (2009, April). The Illuminati: Facts and Fiction. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.illuminatifacts.com

Introvigne, M. (n.d.). Beyond "The Da Vinci Code": What is the Priory of Sion?. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://www.cesnur.org/2004/mi_davinci_en.html

Smith, P. (n.d.). Pierre Plantard Criminal Convictions 1953 and 1956. Retrieved June 6, 2010, from http://priory-of-sion.com/psp/ppconvictions.html