It's been a while, but there's a good reason for it.

As of December 1, 2009, I have not been smoking.  I quit the nasty habit, and it has been quite the ride!  I had every intention of writing this blog when I started, but my struggles caused me to divert my plan. Rather than typing, I was grabbing whatever I could to put into my mouth. Even small children and puppies weren't safe in my path. I kid, really...maybe.  Well ok, the worst they would have gotten was a nasty dirty look from me.  Maybe.

Ok, back on track.  My quit has been a surreal experience.  Prior to my quit date, I had to educate myself.  I wanted to know what the healing process was.  I wanted to know what methods were available.  I needed to know that I could quit.  So I called the Colorado Quit Line and they sent me two boxes of patches. 

The night of November 30th, I slapped on the patch and went to bed.  I couldn't sleep the whole night.  My mind was throwing a fit - my body wanted a smoke.  My mind was screaming, "Are you kidding yourself??  You can't quit!!"  My alarm finally interrupted my sleep-less night.  I usually would go outside as soon as I relieved my impatient bladder.  That morning was the first time in years that I didn't follow ritual.  Instead, I turned on the shower.  The water was a tad hotter than usual, but it felt good.  I proceeded to get ready for work, and walked out the door.  I didn't have any kids that morning, which is probably a good thing.  As soon as I got into my car and turned over the ignition, the demon came flying at me.  I craved.  HARD.  I wanted that smoke more than anything.  I nearly started crying.  I looked at my iPod and said "SAVE ME."  I found my playlist of favorite songs, cranked it up as high as the volume would go.  I sang as I drove.  It didn't matter to me if anyone saw me.  It didn't matter if anyone thought I was losing my mind.  It didn't matter if I couldn't even match the tones.  I wasn't going to smoke.  Period.

My biggest fear was how the day at the office would go.  Smoking was allowed.  I knew I was going to have to fight my cravings while smelling the smoke all day.  Armed with my sunflower seeds and water, I braved on.  I announced my quit as soon as I walked in the door.  Immediately everyone laughed.  Would you believe they started a pool?  "How long will it take before Angie starts smoking again?"  That was all the motivation I needed.  You see, I've always been the rebellious sort.  Tell me I can't do something - you better sit down because I'm going to do everything to prove you wrong.

Fast forward 17 days later.  STILL QUIT.  I never had one slip.  I finally convinced the boss to kick the smokers outside because...well, it's illegal.  Big victory for me!  Now I am completely smoke free.  I had to add Wellbutrin to my methods, only to make the emotional outbursts milder.  My poor King - I thought for sure he would have buried me six feet under by now.  However, he has been my partner in all this.  He quit as well.  We had a few spats here and there, but in the end, we always apologized, hugged, and battled on.

Please don't be fooled.  My quit isn't over yet.  I still have some time to go before I'm completely past all this.  I still get a craving now and then.  But the cravings only happen once a day.  When I visited my doctor, she actually told me that in 10 years, I will have decreased my chances of getting cancer by slim to none.  How amazing are our bodies??  In half the time I smoked, my lungs will heal.  My body is already going through a healing process.  I have a cough at the moment, but it's cleaning out my lungs.  I spit out this horrible gunk of brown mucus.  The doctor said, "That's the tar."  Oh my god.  I can't believe I actually put that crap in my lungs!!  How could I do that to myself???  I like to consider myself to be a rather health concious person.  But if you really think about it, I was a living example of an oxymoron.  "I like to take vitamins because they make me healthy.  Hang on while I add more chemicals and toxins into my body."  MORON!

And now that I have actually quit, I can get myself on a good health plan.  I am going to do a complete physical.  My doctor and I are going to create a life plan that will help me continue to strive for a long and healthy life. 

I will end this for today.  I am very happy to report that all is better than ever!

(And for those that are waiting for the introductions of the rest of my court, I will resume that very soon!)

Battles

Battle One

I will explain my no smoking sign I posted on Wordless Wednesday - I have quit smoking!!!  YAY!!  Today is Day 4, and I'm feeling rather victoriously challenged.  Ha, I know, what a weird way to combine those words.  I am proud that I have quit.  I am proud that I will live a longer and healthier life.  I know I am doing this for the right reasons - I can give you 5 of them right off the top of my head:  My King, My Knight, My Princess, My Court Jester, and My Prince.  Each day seems easier, however more challenging.  It feels like the monster is growing every day, but he doesn't come knocking as much as he did on Day 1.  My King has also quit with me, also!  His method of quit was with Welbutrin - which is an anti-depressant drug.  My method is the patch.  However, neither of us are sleeping very well.  However, we are treating each other very nicely, and haven't snapped at each other at all.  I will continue to celebrate each day of my new health with some kind of positive healthy reward.  I have to confess though - the only thing on my mind right now is a large slice of chocolate cake with warm hot fudge oozing on it.  YUM! 

Battle Two
And tonight - we shall battle the Christmas tree again. 

Battle Three
Small Budget.  Holidays.  Enough said.

Battle Four
Keeping my inner self strong and faithful in the powers that be.

Wordless Wednesday 12-2-09