Well, what do you know? Grandma was right. If you stop looking for something, it will come find you. In my previous post, I stated I was done looking, so I stopped looking. Two days later, love found me. And now here I am, sitting on my butt with a huge grin on my face and my heart feeling full. A friend became more than what I ever thought I could have in a lover and companion. We spent the last two weeks talking and sharing stories of our lives. Today, we are dreaming of a future we want to share together.
First of all, I have never, EVER, felt this feeling before. To you skeptics out there, especially those of you who love me, you're going to want to smack me silly after you're done reading this. I have left my previous relationship extra guarded than I had ever been before. I refused to allow anyone into my sanctuary of emotions, even the former kings of my kingdom wasn't allowed in. My focus has been on my children, and how to make things better for us and our life. My only priority was making sure the boys and I are happy.
And now - I am happier than I have ever been. This kind of happiness doesn't measure up to the days my sons were born, but it sure does measure up to any monumental day of my life. Suddenly, everything is crystal clear. Stress isn't stressful anymore. Worries aren't creasing my forehead anymore. Suddenly - everything is ok. I feel a huge weight taken off my shoulders. I kid you not, and for the risk of sounding really corny - I feel like I finally got my fairytale ending. Normally, I would be freaking out at this point of dating. Normally, I would be sitting here saying, "Well, he's nice, but I'm sure there's something wrong with him."
One of my faults in any relationship I have ever been in, and yes, this includes my marriages - at this point I should pre-apologize to my ex husbands for having to admit this NOW - I have always looked for whatever negative thing I could find in him. Once I found that negative thing, and we're talking petty stuff here...."Oh God, he spelled that word wrong." or "Geezus, he only owns one pair of shoes".....I would hang onto that negativity and use it as a reason not to allow that guy into my sanctuary. While I would allow myself to "love" him, I would always remain cautious and alert. Then as the relationships went on and I began to learn the guy's faults, I would hang onto those red flags and be ready and guarded for anything bad that may happen - and actully learn to love him less instead of more so that the heartbreak would hurt less in the end. I was actually preparing myself for another failed relationship - because nothing lasts forever, we all know that.
Until now. Until this man came into my life. Sweet Jesus - everything in that last paragraph doesn't seem to exist anymore. I have yet to find anything negative that bothers me about this guy. By now, I would have found something - believe me. Oh please, I'm not saying he's perfect. I'm saying he's MY perfect. He may not be perfect for you, or Jane, or Sue, but he is for me. Each person has their person, and by golly - I found my person.
It's early. I know. But stick around. We'll show ya.
