The wedding is quickly sneaking up on us!!  We are both excited, and I'm finalizing my details.  There aren't many details to muster over, it's just making sure the judge knows when to arrive, and that Kenny knows the day and time.  

But one thing not to be forgotten is the importance of our wedding.  It's not about putting on a show, and the anticipation of everyone's impressions.  It's about the man I am about to exchange vows with.  It's about the man who I am going to spend the rest of my life with.  It's about making a commitment to be partners through every endeavor life will throw our way.  It's about sitting side by side on the patio watching sunrises, or watching the boys play with our dog.  It's about saying good night to each other with a kiss, and saying "Sweet dreams, I love you" at the end of each day.  

This wedding has also brought my mom and I closer to each other.  Our relationship continues to get stronger each day.  For the first time in my life, I was able to spend more than 24 hours with her without either of us having a disagreement in any sort of way.  We shared laughter, and even shared some tears as we thought of Grandma.  We adored our men as they bonded with cups of coffee in their hands, telling tales of their youth and passions.  

Our relationship has brought our family together.  The boys have never been as happy, and always look forward to when they can be with us again.  They have learned special skills from Ken, and love to laugh at his silly jokes.  He not only connected with me, but he has connected with my three little men.

Shawn is going to be giving my hand to Kenny.  He doesn't look at it as "giving me away."  He is looking at it as joining his mom with the love of her life, and he gets to be a big part of it.  He has taken on a big role in our planning.  He even went around the men and boys' departments to find just the right shirts and shorts for him and his brothers to wear in the wedding.  He calls to ask how the plans are coming along, and offers to help.

AJ is looking forward to the fact that he doesn't have to wear a tuxedo or pants in the wedding.  He adores Ken and is excited to have him join our family.  He is very inquisitive throwing a million questions a minute at Ken, and loves every answer he gets.

Dylan has picked up on Ken's sense of humor.  In fact, it has changed his attitude towards teasing.  In the beginning of the school year, he was having trouble with a bully.  After one little conversation with Ken, the bully troubles were soon gone.  Ken ends every night by giving Dylan a goodnight kiss, and tells him to have "supercalifragilisticexpedialidocious" dreams.

Life is great.  And the best part is that this is all so real.  There are no doubts in my heart or mind.  I have never felt more secure in myself, and I am looking forward to being the new Mrs. Ken Lindeen.

Letting go...

Each day, we are all faced with something that may either challenge us, fail us, succeed us, or even surpass us.  When Grandma passed away, I have felt lost and in the dark.  I was still passing through life, doing whatever I could to get through the day without sorrow.  I even got to the point that was forgetting how to live.  I was just performing my duties as a human being on this planet, just trying to survive.

These last few days have been different.  Spring is in Colorado, the birds are singing again, the lake is thawed out, and the spring breeze is blowing through my house.  Yesterday morning, as I sat on my patio watching the glittering waters move across the lake, I started feeling alive again.  With Kenny by my side, he held my hand as I told him I finally feel like it's OK to let go.I no longer feel the burden of loss on my shoulders. 

I finally remember what life is worth living for.  Now, don't get me wrong - I have never stopped appreciating the life God gave me.  I never lost my faith in Him, nor have I ever questioned my own existence.  I just have had to learn how to live life without my Grandma there to talk to.

I miss her voice, her laughter, and her stories so badly.  She is still the first person that crosses my mind when I have big news to share.  Today, I finally realize that she already knows without me having to tell her.  In fact, I truly believe she has a lot to do with the good things that have been happening for my family lately. 

God took my grandma and turned her into our Guardian Angel.  I know I will be with her again when my time comes.  Until then, I will continue to thank my Angel for guiding me in the right direction.  And I will thank God every day for giving me the strength to see past my adversaries, and to live life to the fullest.

I feel like it's finally OK to let go, and to live on.

Friendship

We are so fortunate these days, technology has enabled our society to go across the world with our fingertips.  Since social networks have been created, we have been able to stay in contact with those we love, and find the friends in our pasts.

I have found some dear friends who were a part of my childhood whom I had lost touch with.  I had the pleasure to seeing two of them yesterday.  Seeing them again brought back so many good memories, and sure made me smile.  I had thought about them frequently over the years and always wondered how they were doing.  It's amazing to see how happy they are, and how they have grown up.

This brings me to the realization how precious friendships are.  Friends come and go, but it's always the good friends that make an impact on one's life, no matter how little they realize they're doing it.  As I look back and remember these friends of mine, I always remember their smiles and laughter.  My memory is terrible, therefore I don't remember much of what we did exactly.  But I do remember how they made me feel, and remember their loyalty. 

Good friendship is hard to come by, but reunited friendship is just as valuable.  As I continue to find these dear friends of mine, I will cherish them now more than I ever had before.  I'm not quite so great at staying in touch, I get so wrapped up in my full plate of events that I sometimes forget to take 5 minutes to say hello.  I'm trying to work on this, and hope to get better at it! 

Happy Birthday Grandma

My grandma, Jeanne Comfort Wilkinson Priebe was born 89 years ago today.  She lived a long and steadfast life.  When she was young, her grandfather, Harry Griffith, wrote letters to her for her birthdays.  I find it fitting to share one of them with you today.  It is dated February 3, 1939, Grandma's 17th birthday.

"My Dear Jeanne,

Another year has rolled along to bring to you another Birthday.  I am going to give you two little bits of wisdom which may help you on the way.  The first is from the old Greek Philosopher, Pythaganos.  'Above all, reverence thyself.'  The other I did not note author.  'The soul of all culture is the culture of the soul.'  In the first 'Reverence' means particularly to honor thyself.  It does not mean for one to become an egoist, but do so live that you may honor yourself.  And that is where the other comes in.  The important thing is the culture of the soul.  Your soul is the real you, and that must be right if you are to truly honor and reverence yourself.

There is my 'seminar' on this occasion.  The new year comes to you, make the most of it.

May you have a very large portion of happiness throughout the year.

With a great deal of love,

Grandfather''

Grandma held a great deal of pride in her letters from her Grandfather, in fact, his letters were her prized possession.   This letter proves the individual strength we carry in our family, in ourselves.  Grandma passed these words of wisdom in her teachings as she raised my mom and my uncles, as well as me.  She always told me, even near to her last day, "Angela, the only thing nobody can take from you is your soul."  Now I know exactly what she meant by that.

My dear grandma passed on January 6th, last month.  I miss her very much, I love her, and I appreciate the long life I got to have with her.  I am dedicated to pass these wise words from the generations before me to the next generations after me.  I am determined to carry her legacy with pride and most of all, with honor and reverence.

Once Upon A Time

Today is the eve of a very important anniversary that marks the end and beginning of a chapter in my life.  I recall how things were one year ago today.  I was preparing to end a chapter that only brought sadness.  I was facing the next day with some fear, I was anticipating that things were not going to go as planned, I faced a blank future.  I had no idea what was going to happen, I just knew I was going to get out.

I remember who I was a year ago.  I was unsure of myself, I had no self-esteem,, I wasn't even confident in myself.  I was completely dependent on someone who only disappointed me.  I had zero control over my own life.  The only time I felt sure of anything was when I was at work.  I feared the smallest things, even feared having a $5 bill in my pocket.  Happy moments were rare.  I sacrificed my friends for my relationship.

So who am I today?  I am free to be me.  I am confident, and rely only on myself.  I have changed careers, I have a future ahead of me.  I am told I am beautiful every day.  I am loved unconditionally.  I have my mom back.  My boys are happy.  Bills are getting paid.  Overall, I am completely the opposite of the person I was a year ago.  I found myself again. 

Life is good today.  I am in control again.  And damn...it feels GOOD!

50th Anniversary toast to my grandparents

Back on December 16, 2010, my family and I threw an anniversary party for my grandparents.  Although Grandpa was no longer with us (he passed away in 2009), we felt Grandma should still get her party.  Prior to the dinner at the Bonefish Grill, we sipped on champagne.  This is my toast to them:

Years ago, a man asked a woman out.  She knew he was quite a catch, and couldn’t figure out why a banker would want to spend a day with her.  He knew he had to have this strong and independent woman in his life.  Little did she know, they were destined to spend the rest of each others’ lives together.  Fifty years ago today, Jeanne and Jerry married and promised to live a life dedicated to their family.  Jerry loved Jeanne and he loved her children as if they were his own.  He raised them the best way he knew how.  He loved Jeanne the best way a man could love a woman.  Their love survived tribulations, and their love held their family together.  Today, we look back at the memories of Hawaii cruises, weekends at Balsam Lake, countless RV adventures, Pinecone, and so much much more.  And little do THEY know, their marriage has impacted each of us in one way or another. 

I thank you for all the love and memories you have given us.  Grandpa, even though you are not physically here with us tonight, you are absolutely with us in spirit.  We each miss you very dearly, but celebrate what you have given to this family.  I am a proud granddaughter, and will pass your stories down to my grandchildren.

I raise my glass to you, Grandma and Grandpa, and toast to many happy years together.  Cheers to you, and to our family!