As of December 1, 2009, I have not been smoking. I quit the nasty habit, and it has been quite the ride! I had every intention of writing this blog when I started, but my struggles caused me to divert my plan. Rather than typing, I was grabbing whatever I could to put into my mouth. Even small children and puppies weren't safe in my path. I kid, really...maybe. Well ok, the worst they would have gotten was a nasty dirty look from me. Maybe.
Ok, back on track. My quit has been a surreal experience. Prior to my quit date, I had to educate myself. I wanted to know what the healing process was. I wanted to know what methods were available. I needed to know that I could quit. So I called the Colorado Quit Line and they sent me two boxes of patches.
The night of November 30th, I slapped on the patch and went to bed. I couldn't sleep the whole night. My mind was throwing a fit - my body wanted a smoke. My mind was screaming, "Are you kidding yourself?? You can't quit!!" My alarm finally interrupted my sleep-less night. I usually would go outside as soon as I relieved my impatient bladder. That morning was the first time in years that I didn't follow ritual. Instead, I turned on the shower. The water was a tad hotter than usual, but it felt good. I proceeded to get ready for work, and walked out the door. I didn't have any kids that morning, which is probably a good thing. As soon as I got into my car and turned over the ignition, the demon came flying at me. I craved. HARD. I wanted that smoke more than anything. I nearly started crying. I looked at my iPod and said "SAVE ME." I found my playlist of favorite songs, cranked it up as high as the volume would go. I sang as I drove. It didn't matter to me if anyone saw me. It didn't matter if anyone thought I was losing my mind. It didn't matter if I couldn't even match the tones. I wasn't going to smoke. Period.
My biggest fear was how the day at the office would go. Smoking was allowed. I knew I was going to have to fight my cravings while smelling the smoke all day. Armed with my sunflower seeds and water, I braved on. I announced my quit as soon as I walked in the door. Immediately everyone laughed. Would you believe they started a pool? "How long will it take before Angie starts smoking again?" That was all the motivation I needed. You see, I've always been the rebellious sort. Tell me I can't do something - you better sit down because I'm going to do everything to prove you wrong.
Fast forward 17 days later. STILL QUIT. I never had one slip. I finally convinced the boss to kick the smokers outside because...well, it's illegal. Big victory for me! Now I am completely smoke free. I had to add Wellbutrin to my methods, only to make the emotional outbursts milder. My poor King - I thought for sure he would have buried me six feet under by now. However, he has been my partner in all this. He quit as well. We had a few spats here and there, but in the end, we always apologized, hugged, and battled on.
Please don't be fooled. My quit isn't over yet. I still have some time to go before I'm completely past all this. I still get a craving now and then. But the cravings only happen once a day. When I visited my doctor, she actually told me that in 10 years, I will have decreased my chances of getting cancer by slim to none. How amazing are our bodies?? In half the time I smoked, my lungs will heal. My body is already going through a healing process. I have a cough at the moment, but it's cleaning out my lungs. I spit out this horrible gunk of brown mucus. The doctor said, "That's the tar." Oh my god. I can't believe I actually put that crap in my lungs!! How could I do that to myself??? I like to consider myself to be a rather health concious person. But if you really think about it, I was a living example of an oxymoron. "I like to take vitamins because they make me healthy. Hang on while I add more chemicals and toxins into my body." MORON!
And now that I have actually quit, I can get myself on a good health plan. I am going to do a complete physical. My doctor and I are going to create a life plan that will help me continue to strive for a long and healthy life.
I will end this for today. I am very happy to report that all is better than ever!
(And for those that are waiting for the introductions of the rest of my court, I will resume that very soon!)
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